Fallen From Grace
by Vadelith
Summary: I find it strange how the events of my suicide were to play out. Truthfully, any who were to be told most likely would not believe me. But, a part of me knows I cannot keep this information locked away forever. If anything, I know that I will be happier if this information never leaves the confines of my own mind but, this morbid curiosity is simply something I can't ignore.
1. Chapter 1

"Chara?" I lift my head.

"Yeah?" I ask, my eyes barely open, words slurring out of tiredness. The voice sighs deeply.

"Try to eat something."

"I am trying, dad," I say, quivering slightly as I reach for my spoon, staring despondently into a small china bowl filled with a smooth vegetable soup, "I'm tired, please just give me a moment-,"

"Well," he cuts me off, "I don't slave away clothing and feeding you for you to be too tired to eat the food I put in front of you, now come on and eat." My throat convulses as it throws another helping of soup down my gullet.

"The soup is good, Dad." I say, trying to stay awake, salvaging what little is left of the exchange.

"Then eat it, girl." My fingers tighten around the spoon, the skin on my fingers whitening, my knuckles growing against the skin as if to pierce it. I hold for a few seconds. Close my eyes. And release. I take another spoonful.

"So…," I ask, drumming the table with the fingers of my free hand, "Is work coming along okay?"

Don't try to change the subject, Chara." He snaps almost before I finish.

"I'm sorry-,"

"Don't be sorry." He snaps again. I choose to ignore him, thinking whatever I say won't turn out well. I turn to my soup and swallow another mouthful, ignoring how it scalds my throat.

"I'm going to bed." I say.

"You should." He says, quickly. I get up to leave, taking my bowl to the sink and scraping remnants of diced carrots into the drain. "And actually sleep, this time." I swallow, deeply.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dad." I say, pressing my nails into my palms, feeling the uppermost bones in my fingers wanting to bend and shatter.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He says, standing up. Oh God. I start walking for my room, but he takes me by the shoulder. "And you won't, this time, will you?" He says. I shake too much to speak, hoping that if I say nothing he'll let me go. He kneels down and whispers in my ear. "Will you?"

"N-," I stammer, before he takes me by the ear, "N-no," I blurt out, "Please-," a brutal weight slams the back of my head sending me to the floor where I ball up, my hands clutching the back of my head. "Please-," I say, "Please, please, please let me go." I can't hear any movements. I stay deadly still, my lips quaking, struggling to stay as a straight line. The footsteps walk away. I breathe out like wind rushing into a cave before standing up and bolting into my room a few feet away. Slamming the door behind me, I bury myself in the bedclothes, bringing my knees up and burying my eyes in them. I hold them there for as long as I can, clenching my eyes as tightly as I can, before I release. My body stretches out, populating as much of the bed as it can. My breathing goes from rapid and tense, gradually going down, and down, until I breathe calmly again. I sit up, holding my legs close to my chest. I look out of the window to my right, peering through the rain. The golden flowers are still there, glistening in the falling water. The rain is falling gently, almost. The raindrops don't even seem to cause the flowers to recoil or fall downward. They just stand fast, holding themselves high against the blows from above.

I rest my elbows on the windowsill, and rest my head on the backs of my hands, looking around at the other tiny, single-floor houses, made of the same white stone brick that seems almost to be decaying every day. The roads that have more potholes than not, the infrequent, muddy grass. I tear my eyes away from my surroundings and hold them on the flowers. I hold there for what seems like hours, as the flowers hold fast against the rain. Eventually, I lean back, as the sky becomes too dark to make the outside out. I take of my green and yellow striped jumper and my brown trousers, leaving just my undershirt and shorts. I pull the white, stained sheet up and press it to my chest, tightening it over my body ridden in goose bumps, as I curl up, pressing my knees against my forehead. My eyes close. I reach behind me, burying my hand beneath the mattress. I feel the coarse, calico-wrapped handle, before I feel my way upwards, and feel the deadly sharp, steel, blade. Someday, I tell myself.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking out of school these days feels almost cathartic. Everyone else rushes home, fast as they can, to watch whatever anime episode has just come out or play the latest chapter of whatever new game's being developed. But as I'm walking out of the school, my trousers sticking to my skin as it stings, I take deliberately slow steps, walking no more than a metre every two or three seconds. The sounds of nature and the wind are more than any music they could hear. There's a tiny path I like to take some days that leads a long way away from my house. It winds around a great deal, too. There's a lot of time spent just kicking up mud behind my shoes as the soles are worn to a thread, grass licking the sides of chain link fences stuck in the mud, left to sink or swim. Nothing's really alive here, it's all still. Yet it still feels like the highlight of any day, walking through the graveyard to get home. It ends when the path starts travelling up this high hill, there are a few apartment buildings dotted along it, but at the top, there's a bench, where I can get this beautiful view of Mt. Ebott. I try to sit there for a long time, most days. I tend to eat my lunch there rather than at school. I'd stay longer but-

"Hey!" I hear, a voice, loud and gruff, from behind me.

"Yes, dad?" I ask, hurriedly tucking the leather bindings of my diary in the drawers of my child-size desk.

"I'm heading to the shop. You coming?" He asks, sounding semi-sweet, in a strange way. I want to say, oh, you go on ahead, I need to finish this paragraph, or, no thanks, but I'll come and help out tomorrow. But all that comes out is-,

"Yes, dad." I say, meekly.

"Good girl." He says, walking forward and taking me by the shoulder, shaking it in an odd mixture of violent and friendly. He pulls me out of my room and puts a rucksack on my back, full of empty burlap sacks. "Come on," he says, "Long day ahead of us." He opens the door and we start walking together. I want to trail behind and walk slowly, but I feel something that makes me want to stay by his side, but it's not a good, positive feeling. It's like a claw digging into my chest that says, stay by your father or I'll tighten, you hear. So I do what it says.

We arrive at the shop a few minutes later where my dad flips up an 'Open' sign and sits behind his desk, setting up cash registers and checking to see if yesterday's stock still hasn't spoiled. Thankfully for me, he comes back smiling, so it seems I don't have anything else to do besides sit around while I could be at school, bettering myself.

"Sit behind the counter." He says, "And don't move." I do as he says. The day passes as customers wash in and out of the store like a low tide moving in and out, taking seashells and innocent creatures into the deep, far beyond where I'll see them again. Later on a group of girls from my school walk in and start browsing through the drinks, where they see me. I look beneath the counter and feel a want to hide, but my father's nearby, so I sit still. I see them looking at me and talking amongst themselves. Is that the girl who never talks? I hear them saying. Isn't that the one who's constantly forgetting her homework? Why does she never do anything in P.E? My father's in between tasks, but he still finds time to check on me every few minutes, so I sit still. Thankfully the girls buy their drinks without saying a word to me. I feel my eyes start to close again. A hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair down, gently, reminds me that I have to sit up. Back straight.

I look straight ahead. There's nothing but the LED-lit shelves layered with soft drinks and meat locked in plastic. Think of the golden flowers, Chara. Think of Mt. Ebott, Chara. It's not all bad. It's not all bad. The words circle my mind for the hours I'm left, until they seem to fizzle out into white noise, meaningless noise. There's a violent tap on my shoulder.

"Come on." My dad says. "Time to go." I wrench myself from the seat, almost having to peel my skin away, as we start walking back.

Lying in bed that night, I keep looking at the golden flowers. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. I think about the knife. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Tell yourself, Chara, it's not that bad. The rain comes again through the dark, hitting the golden flowers. They don't stand so fast this time. As I look on, they seem to be thrown downwards. Beaten in. Trodden on by the rain, maliciously stamping on them like boots on little insects. Looking out, I feel myself start to cry. The water down my face feels… almost insignificant. The rain outside is torrential, and to it my tears don't feel worth anything. There's another knock at the door.


	3. Chapter 3

A lot of the time I'll come home to see my dad just sitting in his armchair. He's not reading or texting or anything. He's just sitting there. Sometimes when I walk in he doesn't even look up. He'll just blankly stare at a wall. A part of me feels scared of that happening. When he's upset I don't feel like I should comfort him, and that the best solace I can bring him is by just staying out of his way. At least, I'd like to believe that, or that he thinks the same way. The odd thing is, he never seems like himself at all when this happens. He'll just sit and stare, no shouting, no jobs to do, no striking me or anything. Just silence. Sometimes I think it might be good to have a time when I needn't worry about him lashing out at me, but I still feel something there when he's like this. Just motionless. It's almost…

"Chara!" I look up. My teacher is standing over me. "The class left five minutes ago. What the hell are you doing?" I look down at my diary, kept snugly between my elbows so as to hide it from whomever might be nearby.

"I…," I say, looking around to see a desolate classroom, "I'm not sure."

"Clear off, go on." He says, sauntering off to sit back down. I clear up my diary, pencil case and books, put them in my bag and walk out, holding the straps close to my chest. Walking out of school, I see a group of other kids hanging outside a store nearby. I cross the street and pocket my hands, trying not to draw attention to myself.

"Hey!" I hear, loudly, from the other side. Oh God. I keep walking, speeding up and tucking my head down. The wind starts howling. I can barely hear what they're talking about, nor the sounds of their footsteps before I'm hit in the back of the legs and sent to the floor, my nose and chin losing skin to the tarmac. The sting is unforgiving, the wind roaring and blowing into my ears like cannonfire. I can't make out what they're saying. It's just a repeat of the same sounds, high pitched screaming, low growling, burning my soul.

"Chara." They scream at me. It's drawn out, almost mirroring the wind. Cha-ra, cha-ra. I don't have the energy to fight back. My skinless nose and chin lie scraping along the floor as I'm beaten over, and over again. I can almost hear my father's voice there too, among them, chanting along. Cha-ra, Cha-ra. Get up, Chara. What the hell are you doing, Chara. Work, Chara, work harder, Chara, you're not good enough, Chara, you're worthless, Chara.

My vision fades away to a blackness. Even there I can still hear the sounds of them chanting my name. It gets louder. Cha-ra, Cha-ra, Cha-ra, over and over again. I'm standing in a black void. There's nothing beneath my feet. Just… darkness. I start walking. The sound is around me, it has no source, it seems. It just keeps getting louder no matter where I go. CHA-RA, CHA-RA, CHA-RA, it bellows at me, like hammers on my eardrums, pounding me into the nothing, CHA-RA, CHA-RA, CHA-RA, I kneel down and pull my hands behind my head, holding them there, wanting for it to stop. It feels like a hand, behind me, breaking the back of my skull, healing it, and doing the same again, over, and over. CHAAA-RAAA, CHAAA-RAAA, the noise never stops, now all I hear is just the screaming sounds, AAAAAA-AAAAA, in my ears.

My eyes snap open. I'm in my bed. I go to sit up, but the missing skin on my back stings as I try to move. I lay back down, feeling the meat on my back stay stuck to the fraying, stained sheets. My breathing is heavy. It feels permeated by small bursts of holding, like its unstable, infrequent, broken, even. There's a knock at the door, and my dad walks in.

"Chara." He says. I strain to turn my head to face him, but manage nonetheless, feeling my neck ache as I do so.

"Dad…" I say, wistfully. "They…"

"I know, Chara, I know." He says, pulling in a tiny wicker stool from outside and sitting on it next to my bed. He leans closer and starts whispering in my ear. "This needs to stop." He says. I don't understand.

"I don't…" I murmur, the hoarseness of my throat burning.

"What don't you understand, Chara?" He snaps back.

"Why- what do-,"

"You're pathetic." He says. "Blaming them." My breathing starts to quicken.

"Wh-,"

"Is that all you can do, Chara?" He asks, drawing his stool closer, "Just, go out looking for trouble to make my life more difficult, is that what you're doing?"

"N- why-,"

"I don't even know why I bother." He says. "You clearly don't understand, so just, lie there, Chara, lie there and think about what you've done." He picks up his stool and leaves the room, slamming the door so hard the wind curls around my stinging flesh. I look up at the ceiling. My breathing feels less… worried now. It's more, determined now than ever. I pull my arm up from the bed, the flesh sticking to the sheets and screaming as they're yanked apart. I reach down the side of my bed and bury my exposed hand beneath the mattress. My bones feel crushed between the stone-cold wooden planks and the thick mesh of foam, but in between as my bones feel ready to snap, I find it. I pull out the knife.

Eight inches long from the handle, flowing down toward the deadly sharp point. I grip it in my hand, my bones seeming to wrap it as if to fit perfectly, like the missing piece of a jigsaw. I look over to the door. This is right, Chara. This is what's necessary, Chara. I look out of the window, and see the golden flowers, and feel a rush of… I don't know what this is I'm feeling. I turn back and peel myself, my skin roaring at me to be left alone, as it pings away from the sheets little by little. I grit my teeth. Sweat starts pouring down my forehead as I ease my way up. Not long now, Chara. Not long now. Snap. I feel the last of the bedsheets fall away behind me, lying dejected on the bed. I see my green and yellow striped jumper and black trousers strewn over the floor, next to my rucksack. I go over and put them on, feeling the cotton rush past my frizzy hair disturbed by my restless sleep. I readjust the knife, walk to the door, and slide it open.

My dad is sitting in his chair again. Listlessly staring at the wall. He doesn't react to the opening of the door. He doesn't turn around to see me standing there. I look down at the knife and feel whatever emotions I had shrink away, somewhat. I keep it in my hand. I stay on my path, walking over. I flip it round, so the blade points down. I stare at him. His balding head. His skinny, bony body. The hairs growing listlessly with no way nor pursuit to guide them. My eyes dart from him to the blade, where they're reflected back at me. I look at myself. This is right, Chara. You'll be free, Chara. Don't feel bad, Chara. You're going to be free, Chara. My arm feels weak. You should be smiling, Chara. You should be smiling, too. The knife feels heavier in my hand. I look frantically down at my dad, back at the blade, to him again, then, the window. I see a glimpse of Mt. Ebott around the corner of a hill. Sloping up into the sky, the foot engrossed in trees. I bring the knife down. I breathe, slowly. I start walking for the door.

"Wh-," my dad starts to say, "Where are you going?" He asks. One hand on the door, I turn and face him.

"Home." I say.


	4. Chapter 4

The rain is still heavy, heavier than before. My hair is thrown wildly about, dancing in my face as I frustrated try to brush it aside. Trudging through droves of mud and wet grass, mingling with my socks and shoes makes the bones in my legs feel weak, tender, as if to snap any second. But I can still feel, something. Something telling me to keep going. I look behind me, there's no one chasing me or trying to stop me. I pause, for a second, and look up. I see Mt. Ebott looming overhead, as the grassy bank in front of me starts to lean upwards and ascend towards the clouds middling at its peak. I swallow, throwing whatever disgusting taste this place had left on my tongue, before pressing on. Thrusting my feet into the mud, I go on, trudging, up the grassy banks, through the trees, past the rocky outcrops I had seen only from so far away before. The slopes get more and more steep as I keep going, so much so I feel the need to thrust my knife into the bank to pull myself along.

I notice a heavy incline in the hill, reaching near ninety degrees, and above, a rocky plateau juts from the top. Swallowing my pride, I feel determination flowing through my body. I jam the knife into the mud, thrust my hands into the soil, and start pulling myself up. Twigs and roots from fallen trees extend from the bank to give me a way up, to help me. My feet rest on wooden extensions of the hill, my nails digging, oh so painfully, into the wall-like grassy mountain before me. I look up. The rock is still a long way away. The mud is flowing down my clothes as the rain clots my hair into a thick, soggy mat. Looking up at the rock, I start to feel something behind me. It sounds like my father. Get back here, Chara, he says. Get down and get back to work, Chara. I stare at the rock. My nails ache from climbing before. Some higher pitched voices find me, circling me. They roar in tandem with my father's voice, loud, louder, yet louder still, CHARA, GIVE UP, CHARA, GIVE UP-

I plunge my fingers into the hill and pull myself away from the roots. Dangling there, I remove my hand and move up, thrusting into the mud a few more feet up. The same with the knife in my other hand, pulling myself through the sea of brown and green before me. I look up. GET DOWN, CHARA, GET DOWN. I keep going. The rock seems closer now, just a few feet. I pull out my hand and go to stab the hill yet again, but wince in pain and scream, I feel my hand loosening from the knife. Three of the five nails on my hand are completely gone. I fall, hands outstretched, the wind rushing past my head, before it smacks against a rock on the ground. I grit my teeth in morbid frustration as my eyes close, blackness engulfing me.

My father's sitting in his chair in front of me. I'm holding the knife. He's sitting there, staring at me. He's not doing anything, not in particular. Just staring, his eyebrows slanted, his teeth clenched. I feel a force behind me. I can't… I must. I run forward and thrust the knife into his chest. Blood starts seething from his body and covering my face, as a river of red gushing out and drowning me. I lie back, just letting it cover me. It feels… I stand up, feeling the weight of the blood mixed in my clothes lose its weight, as I look into my father's face. Fear… blind, unknowing… fear. It feels… great.

I open my eyes. I'm still lying, head against the rock, thumping, brutally, like a hammer on a church bell inside my skull. I lie there, staring up. The knife has fallen from the mud leaving a small hole even now being filled. The rock looms overhead. Give up, Chara, give up. Thunder roars overhead. I stand up, my legs begging me to sit down. I shamble forward, looking up at the rock. Give up, Chara, give up. I start climbing again, my nail-less fingers screaming at me. Give up, Chara, give up. I'm still climbing. Mud rushes down the hill, trying to wash me away, but I stay adamantly holding my place on the hill. Give up, Chara, give up. I find the knife. Tears mingle with the rain as I go on, grass wrapping the exposed fleshy, lumpy skin when its thrown into the hill again. CHARA, GIVE UP, CHARA, GIVE UP, the knife lands in the hill again before I thrust my hand up…

And find the surface of the plateau.

I pull myself onto an embankment in what feels like just a short time after I had left, yet I lie exhausted on the rocky plateau, my chest heaving in and out, feeling the furious rain prickle the absence of skin on my back. I pull myself to my feet, and turn around. Half the mountain lies beneath me. I turn… and half still remains above. But… I look down, and there's a cave. The wind and rain roar at me, I hold up my arms to block it out as I start trudging over the rock into this hole in the mountain. Cold drips fall from the ceiling of the cave, but it seems relatively dry. I keep walking. The floor is rocky and infrequent, my feet scream at me to sit down and stop. Give up, Chara, give up. I keep walking. The light from the outside starts to fade…

But there's more light coming from inside.


	5. Chapter 5

The light starts growing brighter and brighter as I move through the cave. It is long, and convoluted. I the rocks I move over feel moist and slippery, some covered in thick mossy substances tangling with the laces of my shoes. The light starts dimming. As I walk, I feel my heart speed up, almost sinking into my stomach, feeling the light grow further and further away with every step. I exhale, panicked, before falling on the slippery surface, and landing on the uneven rocky floor below.

"funny." I hear a voice say from above me. It's low, resonant, bouncing of the walls of the cave and creating a loud, near deafening echo. "funny how few people come through here, considering the scenery and all." I struggle to look up, grasping at reality to find the genesis of the voice, but the light's grown too far away, and I can barely see my hand in front of my face. "jeez, kid," it says, "here- get up." The voice gets closer, I hear low, rumbling breathing next to my ear. "go on, kiddo." It says, "take my hand." I start hyperventilating. My chest starts wheezing as if permeated by spikes.

I see light returning. But it's… blue. A blue flame, present just in front of my eye, with a dark circle in its centre. The fire is bright but doesn't seem to light the cave any further than the air around it. My hand seems to lift itself up, being carried on nothing, until it finds the owner of the voice. The hand is just like dry rocks, cold, hard, and infrequent. There's no soft skin running over them, just cold, hard, bone.

"say kid," The voice says, "what are you doing here anyway?" Trembling after having been silent for so long, I try to draw my lips open, as heavy as they feel.

"My father…" I say, before taking a deep breath, "Forced me here." I finish, as I exhale.

"tough break." The voice says, "I won't ask why, seems like it hit ya bad enough." I stay silent as we start walking toward the light, following the voice's luminescent blue. "say…" the voice goes on, trying to keep a consistent mood while we walk, "knock knock." I don't laugh, but look complacently up at the blue flame.

"Why-," I start to say, before I wheeze back out. "Who's there?" I hear a distant low-pitched chuckle.

"nana." It says. My legs still ache, as my hands sting in the absence of nails to protect them.

"Nana who?" I ask.

"nana your business." I clench my teeth. I gradually exhale from my nostrils, and muster a pathetic smirk. "hey, come on, that was funny." It says. I don't respond. "too soon, huh?" We keep walking in silence for a long time after. The floor of the cave starts slanting upwards, but I feel my feet lifted almost daintily over the rocks, as the blue flame follows by my side. As we climb, moon-walking on the rocks, the voice pipes up again. "y'know," it says, "my family's not so 'there-for-me' either."

"Really?" I mutter.

"my brother relies on me a lot, y'see, and we don't really have a lot else to fall back on."

"So… what?" I ask.

"so, we have each other." It seems to take a deep breath. "he's there for me if i need it, and i'm there for him."

"So what are you saying?" I snap back.

"i dunno. hey, head up. way out's just over there." A bright golden light starts pouring from a single circular hole in the distance, just a way in front of me. I start walking forward, breathing heavily. The blue flame stays where it is. My fingers claw at the sides of the cave, pushing me along. The moisture below rubs against the rubbery soles of my shoes, I feel my feet kicking backwards as my head falls towards the floor-

"hey." I hear the blue flame say, as I hover, just above the ground, my head inches from a stone jutting toward my skull. "nearly hurt yourself there." I start flailing, trying to get to the floor. My body starts correcting itself, standing further upright, before I'm put back down on my feet, standing. The blue flame stands behind me… but the light from beyond the cave has started curling around it. I turn to face it, but it's gone. My breathing quickens. I start frantically looking around, my eyes darting from one side of the cave to the other, but the blue flame is gone. I turn back to the light. I breathe in, my lungs filling with the thick musty subterranean air. My feet start moving over the slippery moss, but stay firm, moving slowly along the floor toward the beaming yellow beyond. The light grows brighter, brighter, yet brighter, until…

There's a crater around me. It grows outward like a bowl toward the sky, where birds chirp and fly around trees basking in the rain cascading down, churning the sides of the opening into a thick slushy mud that flows down and drips down… into a hole below. It's hundreds of feet deep, at least. I can't make the bottom out, and whenever rain falls beneath I can't distinguish when it lands. My heart starts beating.

"you didn't listen to me before." The voice says again. I start turning rapidly, trying to find where the blue flame might've reappeared. "kid. listen to me, just this once." I stay quiet. The bursting of the rain like bombs through the cavern wracks my eardrums. "i know you wanna jump down there." My body begins to calm as it talks. The low, resonant words are almost calming amidst the overwhelming roar of the wind. "but you'll regret it." The voice seems to get closer. "i know how hard it must be for you. your family doesn't sound great." Still, I stay quiet as the voice grows closer to my ears. "but I'm afraid that if you don't turn back around and go back to them now," exhalation bursts down on my ear, as my chest muscles seize up, "I don't think you'll ever get the chance."

Silence finds me, even as the wind howls and bites my body, it feels quiet. I look down at the hole. There's nothing but darkness at the bottom. My chest starts heaving in and out, as I recount my options. I think back to my father, sitting alone in his chair. Blood-ridden. Full of holes. Yet he seems to be smiling at me. Grinning, madly, even. The shadows under his eyelids seem to suck light in like a vacuum. The kids are there too. They're all staring at me with those cold lightless eyes. Come back to reality, Chara. I open my eyes and look down at the hole. My hands curl tightly around the knife. My cut, bloody lips crack open around their dry edges.

"To hell with you." I feel the mud leave my feet, as the wind rushes past my hair.

It sounds like it came from over here…

Oh! You've fallen down, haven't you…

Are you okay?

Here, get up…

…Chara, huh? That's a nice name.

My name is…


	6. Chapter 6

My eyes creak open. There's a small, flickering light somewhere to my left, I can't quite identify it. I swallow painfully and try to open my eyes further. I'm… in a bedroom. Looking around I can see a wooden table, propped up on four curved legs, host to a small rag with a little electric lamp atop it. As I follow the advance of the light reaching across the room, I can see a huge painting, at least two metres by one, depicting some sort of terrible war. A fiery battlefield laden in blood. I feel scared, but the comfy bed and the quaintness of the little table feel strangely comforting. Suddenly, there's a high-pitched voice from outside.

"Hey, I think she's awake!" It says. I swallow again, this time less painful, and try to prop myself up. Then there's another voice, deeper, but still feminine.

"Even so, you shouldn't bother them, Asriel." It says. Asriel, what kind of name is that? "They should rest; they've had a nasty fall." I'm suddenly reminded of throwing myself into the deep cavernous hole, my legs seem to hurt but not enough to warrant them being broken. My fall must've been well broken.

"Okay mom," the first voice, Asriel, says, "but I want to take them their breakfast."

"Okay, Asriel!" The mother says in reply, "Okay, just give them a moment." There's meaningless talking for a while longer but nothing I can make out. I shuffle back down and lay my head back down on the pillows. They're softer than my mattress propped on steel has ever been. Glancing further around the room, I can see a desk, piles of documents towering ominously about it, accompanied by a chair whose legs seem almost to be straining under the weight of whomever used it, or that it was just never given a break.

I sit back up. My heart starts taking on a faster beat, as I prop the pillows up behind me and softly call,

"I'm alright, did you-," but before I can finish, distant high pitched calling grows closer, before the door is thrown open, light pours in, and-

"Good morning!" A squeaky voice shouts, as its owner rushes toward me. I bring my hand up to shield my eyes from the light, but when I bring them down-

"Oh my God." I say hurriedly, backing up against the bed. The boy is covered in white fur. He has long, fluffy ears that hang down around his shoulders, a long, goat-like snout, and a pair of tiny cone-shaped horns. But he's wearing a green t-shirt and a pair of denim jeans.

"Oh…" he says, backing off, holding what seems to be a steaming pie in his furry hands. He looks away, shyly. I swallow and try to drink in what I'm seeing. You heard what they said about Mt. Ebott, didn't you? That monsters live underneath?

"Don't-," I try to say, as he holds the pie toward me but still tries to face the floor, "Don't worry, I-," He looks up. His eyes are a yellowish green, and he looks on the verge of tears. "I haven't seen anyone in a long time." I say, "And it was just a bit of a shock, as all." He seems to relax, a touch.

"Okay." He says, "Mom made you a pie. It's really great, I promise. Dad says it helps your antibodies or whatever." I chuckle and nod, taking the blue and white china plate playing host to it. Why do I get the feeling I should be worried? My instincts are telling me not to trust this anthropomorphic goat, but I should be dead by now. He hands me a fork and I take a huge chunk of the pie and eat it. I see Asriel smile as I feel my eyes widen. "Told you it was great." He says. I nod and through the mush of cinnamon and pastry in my mouth I muster an "uh huh" in response.

"So what are you-," Asriel says, but there's a knock at the door just as he's about to finish. "Uhp- hold on." He runs for the door. "Coming!" He shouts, before swinging it open.

"Oh-," The person outside says, the one with the more feminine voice, "How is the child getting on?" She starts walking in, and I can see that she has the same physicality as Asriel. A long snout, a set of rope-like ears, short fangs, but she has longer, curling horns. This comes as less of a shock to me, as I sit trying to swallow my mouthful of pie. I swallow it down, as the woman walks closer and sits across from me on the side of the bed. She's wearing a long, blue robe with white sleeves, bearing a strange symbol on the chest. "I should introduce myself," she says, "My name is Toriel." Through her strangely different face she still manages to muster the most warming and compassionate smile I've seen in many years.

"Thank you, Toriel," I say, resting the fork on the plate next to the disembowelled pie.

"You shouldn't thank us, my child," she goes on, "We did only what we had to." I can't help but smile.

"I should still thank you," I go on, "I…," I try to speak, but nothing comes out.

"Shh." She says, gently. "Just eat. When you're finished, come out and we'll talk to you, okay?" I nod, and she stands up. "Come on, Asriel-," she says,

"Aww, come on mom! They just woke up!" Asriel whines.

"Exactly." Toriel says, "So give them a moment to rest." She walks around the bed and takes Asriel by the hand. He shrugs it off.

"Fine." He scorns her. He turns around, "Bye!" And off he runs, followed closely by his mother. I stay sat up and keep eating the pie avariciously. It's strange. The more I start thinking about the situation the more I come to accept it. Thinking logically, I should be terrified, scared, questioning reality, everything. But strangely enough this feels real. The way Asriel looks at me in the way any boy my age would, and the way Toriel sounds just like any concerned mother should, I… I don't know. A family of monsters live in a quaint cottage at the bottom of a crater. Who'd have guessed?

Cynicism aside, I keep munching the pie until barely crumbs are left. I feel a strange energy surging through my body. I want to meet everyone. I don't think I've ever felt so energetic in my life. I leave the damp, pastry caked spoon on the plate as I slide out from under the bedclothes and start hobbling for the door. My legs hurt, sure, but not enough to stop me leaving. Holding the plate in both arms, I shuffle the readily ajar door open, onto a long corridor. Wood-panelled floors, paintings on the walls, plants on shelves. I almost don't think about the strange lack of windows.

"Mom!" I hear Asriel call from the next room, as I start hobbling toward the sound, "The human's awake!"

"Oh, good." Toriel says, opening the door before I manage to reach it, "Come on in, my child." I happily agree, and shuffle in. Asriel's bouncing nearby.

"Good morning!" He says, sweetly, "Want me to take your plate?" I smile.

"No, I'll get it." I say, laying it neatly on a little table next to a blue armchair. Looking to my left, there's a table with four chairs around it, with one looking a little dustier than the others.

"Dad really wants to meet you too!" Asriel bubbles, to which Toriel places her hand on his shoulder in a desperate effort to calm him down.

"There there, Asriel, calm down." She's laughing through her concerned act. She turns to me, "Yes, my husband is just in the kitchen now." She leans back, "Gorey! Come in! The human's awake!" I hear a pan drop as I look over to a passage at the back of the room, from which a male monster emerges. He's wearing a long, purple cloak over a set of gleaming golden armour. I take a step back. He has shimmering golden hair and a beard of the same vibrant colour, coupled with a set of long, regal looking horns. I swallow and look at the floor. He walks over, and stands above me, at least six feet above me, in fact. He looks down. I cautiously look back up, but to my surprise, he's beaming.

"Howdy!" He says, closing his eyes and giving a little wave with his left hand. Asriel walks behind him and does something, to which he winces in pain and stares down at him.

"Asriel!" He roars, "No using fire magic while guests are around!" He giggles.

"Sorry dad." Asriel looks over at me and I can't help but laugh as well. Toriel sighs and looks over at me.

"Welcome to the Underground, Chara."


	7. Chapter 7

"Chara, my child?" Toriel looks over at me from across the table, as I stare dejectedly down at my bowl of broth she had made for Asriel and I. I look up.

"Um..." I stammer,

"You've barely touched your breakfast, are you feeling okay?" I look up and stare directly into her dark brown eyes ensconced in her furry white outer layer. I hold there for a while, saying nothing. "Chara…?" She asks, concerned.

"Yeah-," I blurt out, "I'm okay." I turn back to my broth and go to force some down my throat.

"Chara?" Asriel turns to me, "You're acting weird." I drop my spoon and look back at Toriel. I can't say anything. The corners of my vision are going red. Her eyes turn crimson, her arms start moving up to point at me. My teeth clench hard enough to shatter. My hand reaches down and grabs the butter knife beside the bowl, as I lunge to my left and ram it into Asriel's hand.

"Chara!" He screams as he leaps from his chair, clutching his hand.

"Asriel!" Toriel runs to him and immediately takes his untouched hand, guiding him away into the kitchen at the back of the room. She doesn't turn back to look at me. As I hear Asriel crying and shouting a slew of "It hurts" and "Make it stop" I look down at my hands. My palms looking up at me with a spurt of grey dust over them. I drop the knife and run back to Asriel's room, slamming the door behind me and burying myself under the bedsheets. Lying on an impromptu mattress with naught but a single sheet over it, I curl up and press my eyes into my knees. I try not to cry but can't stop myself…

I feel the sheets being pulled away. I crawl back against the wall,

"Get away from me," I say,

"Chara-,"

"GET AWAY FROM ME-,"

"Chara, calm down-,"

"LEAVE ME ALONE-,"

"CHARA-,"

"NO!" I scream back, and stop crawling. I stand against the wall, one hand resting on it, the other twitching by my side.

"Please-," Toriel says, her knees bent, standing beneath me, "Please try and-,"

"NO!" I shout in her face, "I don't know who the hell any of you are, and I don't know why-,"

"Chara-,"

"I don't-,"

"Chara-,"

"GO!" I yell, spittle frothing from my mouth, "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Chara-,"

"THROW ME OUT! LET ME STARVE, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT-," I feel a sharp pain singe my back, "AH-," I cry out, as I sink back down onto the mattress.

"Chara-," Toriel keeps saying,

"No, I don't-,"

"It's okay."

"No-,"

"It's okay."

"I don't, I don't…"

"Shh…" She says, reaching out a hand.

"No-, I don't, deserve, leave- no-,"

"Chara…" She keeps whispering my name, as her soft, furry palm touches my shoulder.

"I…"

"Shh…" Her arm reaches round and and clutches my other shoulder,

"No…"

"Shh…" She brings me in and holds me close.

"I, I, I, I…"

"It's okay, Chara." She says, "We know how hard it must be, Chara."

"I…" I feel my eyes welling up.

"We're here for you." She says.

"No-, I…"

"We're here for you," she says again, "never forget that."

"N-," I stammer as I feel the first few tears run down my cheeks, mingling with the soft fur on her face, "Never…?

"No, Chara." She says, hugging me closer, "No matter what." I can't hold it in anymore. I start spluttering as I bury my eyes in her arms, my nose blocked, my tears streaming down her arms,

"I'm so sorry…" I say through the onslaught of water from my eyes.

"It's okay…"

"I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay…"

"Never again…"

"Never."

That night, as I lay trying to forget, Asriel called to me from the other side of the room.

"Chara?" He asks. I pause for a few seconds.

"Yeah?"

"Do you feel bad?" He asks. I sit up and turn to him.

"What do you mean?"

"I just…" He trails off. He gets up and comes over, sitting down and crossing his legs next to my mattress. "I want you to know that I don't think you should blame yourself."

"Oh, Asriel-,"

"No, Chara, I don't think it was your fault." I look down at the bandage stained in grey on his right hand.

"You shouldn't-,"

"It's okay." I smile back at him.

"Get some sleep." He giggles.

"Sure thing." He bounds back to his bed and buries himself in the sheets. "Night!" He calls. I look up at the ceiling ensconced in shadow. It's hard imagining that something like this could happen. A family I'm born in treats me like an object but this one I intruded upon treats me like a person. It feels more odd than good. More like something's odd, or that it's almost too good to be true. The fact of the matter is, I should be dead. I want to be able to stop what happened today from happening again. Yeah, that's a good thing to do. I turn over and marinate on the thought as I slowly drift into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

It's finally been a month. At least the monsters down here actually keep the same calendar as the humans do. Toriel and Asgore treat me just like they do Asriel, as his equal, which is something I'm virtually always surprised by. Sure he gets jealous and sulks every once in a while but I think he knows the situation and is trying in his own way to adapt to it, which is nice. It's strange that I've been able to adapt so quickly, especially after Asgore kept telling me how important it was to stay inside. I had the whole 'what if they're gonna kill me aaaaah' thought, but nevertheless I think he's just concerned about me, and Asriel and Toriel seem to agree with him. I remember a couple of weeks ago Asgore told me, I was scared, but when Toriel agreed with him I just felt like it was validated, like that.

Asgore built a bed for me, same dimensions as Asriel's, across the room where my mattress was. Toriel home-schools Asriel and of course she now teaches me too. And I can't remember anything else like… last time happening since. I once tried to ask Toriel what it meant but she couldn't tell me anything and quickly tried to change the subject.

"Chara?" I feel a furry slap on my shoulder. I turn over and see Asriel's snout a terrifying inch from my face. Eyes caked with sleep, I try to keep them open as he bounces around in the middle of the room excitedly.

"Wh-,"

"Look what I found!" He says, in a sort of loud whisper. He holds out a tiny rectangular box, a DVD. The cover art details a man wielding a bloody chainsaw with a hockey mask, standing over a defenceless woman in a swimsuit. I take a step back.

"What…"

"I found it outside this morning! It's this super scary movie-,"

"Wait, wait, Asriel-," I stammer as I draw my knees beneath me in an effort to sort-of sit up.

"We can't wait!" He says jubilantly, "Mom and Dad'll wake up soon!"

"What…" I stammer looking blearily around the room, "What time is it?"

"Um…" He trails off, looking at the blurb of his pseudo snuff film. "Box says it's the Hour of Twilight… whatever that means." I chuckle.

"Alright!" I stage whisper back, and slide out from under my quilted bedsheets.

"Sweet!" He then immediately charges out of the room, while I'm left standing with hair making me think Asriel might as well have ambushed me with a van der graaf generator. His head peeps back round the door. "Okay!" He says, as seriously as he can manage through his occasional bursts of giggling, "You can come in now!" And so I set off following him, shambling along as I barely stay awake. Upon getting into the living room I see Asriel gesturing for me to follow him into the kitchen, where, when I enter, I see he's set up a pair of bean-bags with a large bowl of popcorn in the centre.

"You've been planning this, haven't you?" I ask, slyly.

"What?" He turns, "No, what are you talking about?" I decide to leave it.

"Do you even have a TV to watch it on?" I ask him.

"Yeah, behold!" He says, and pulls down a tarp masked partly in the shadows of the unlit room, and behind it lies a small, beige television, shaped like a box with a curved screen. "Mom and dad aren't gonna buy a better one," Asriel blabs on, "But they keep this one in the basement just in case." I look at him, confused.

"In case of what?"

"Uh buh buh buh buh!" He says, putting his fluffy forefinger to my lips to silence them, before pressing an old dusty button on the front of the ancient device and watching the menu screen for the movie appear. A still image of the box art. He goes to press play, but I notice he misses for how much he's shivering. He sits back and takes a handful of popcorn, haphazardly shoving it into his mouth leaving about thirty percent of it to cascade over the floor, as the movie starts.

The opening scene runs and Asriel is already pulling the beanbag up to cover his snout, while I sit and look at the film. The titular character is just chain sawing a campsite full of innocent women to death. I sit there soaking up the images, eating popcorn kernels one by one. One woman's running around in a skimpy swimsuit before the spinning blades of death plunge through her back and from her chest.

"Oh my God!" Asriel squeaks, and hides. I giggle at him, and go back to the film. I look down at Asriel a few minutes later and see that he's looking up at me… almost mystified. The opening scene ends and some characters arrive and start talking, during which Asriel turns to me.

"Do you like it?" He asks.

"Apparently more than you do." I say, and smirk.

"What? You do not!" He pouts back, sitting proudly on his beanbag and thrusting more popcorn into his mouth. Suddenly a character's head explodes and he goes back to hiding. He lets the movie go on for another half hour while he occasionally lets himself peek from behind the beanbag every few seconds to grab a morsel of popcorn, before he darts, eyes covered, to the TV and turns the movie off.

"Hey!" I say playfully, "I was watching that!" He sits up and looks at me, seeming genuinely confused.

"How were you not scared Chara?" He asks.

"I mean… it wasn't really that scary, just a few splats of ketchup here and there."

"Wow." Asriel says, still shivering, "You sound just like Dad." I feel slightly taken aback.

"Why? What do you mean?" I ask. He puts on a deep voice mimicking Asgore.

"Oh, don't worry about that," he says, "It's just a ketchup stain, nothing to worry about!" He reverts back to his own voice, "Are you even a kid?" I grit my teeth a second.

"What?" I scowl, "Of course I am!"

"Really?" He asks, "How old are you?" Has he really never asked that before?

"Nine years old, actually." I say, crossing my arms and turning away.

"You're kidding; I'll be nine in like two months!"

"Why do you always think I'm joking?" I ask him. He pauses for a minute.

"We need to clear this up." He says.

"Right."

"Help me take the TV back to the basement?"

"Sure thing." We take to both sides of the obelisk-like machine and start carrying it downstairs. The steps make an agonising creak, but Asgore's snoring is very audible from his and Toriel's room, so we keep steadily walking together until it's been dumped, presumably back where it came from. After the bean bags had been put away and the popcorn finished, we hop back into our beds. I try to close my eyes, but Asriel keeps calling me.

"Chara!"

"What is it?" I ask, groaning.

"Why don't you act like a kid?" He asks. I pause for a long, long time.

"I…" I finally utter, "I'm not sure."

"I don't like how much like mom and dad you are, they're boring and old, and it sucks that you're so serious all the time."

"I…"

"So I'm gonna help you!" He says, and although it's too dark to see him I can feel his dumb smile radiating from his corner of the room.

"Okay, Asriel," I mutter dismissively, "Sure thing…"


	9. Chapter 9

"Wake up!" I hear bellowed in my ear.

"JESUS!" I immediately fall out of bed and land in front of Asriel, heart racing. I look up to see him with a strange ferocity on his face.

"It's your first day being a kid again, Chara!" He says, smiling a devious smile. I sigh, but smile back.

"Sure thing." I say complacently. We walk out the door together as I rub the sleep from my eyes. There's a delicious smell coming from the kitchen, bacon and eggs I think.

"Morning mom!" Asriel calls, to which a distant,

"Good morning!" Comes from the kitchen in Toriel's voice. Asriel immediately sits at the table where an ensemble of felt tip pens, pencils, crayons and A3 paper is strewn madly. I take a seat next to Asriel and look over the destruction.

"And what is this supposed to be?" I ask. Asriel's face scrunches up.

"Dude! We're gonna use our imaginations!" He shouts, raising his arms with fistfuls of pens, a few falling out and hitting his nose, which he ignores.

"Right." I say. He looks unimpressed.

"Okay, look at this-," He says, holding up a picture of what appears to be another monster like Asriel, Toriel and Asgore, but it has a long body with a giant heart at the centre, two arms dangling on bright blue laser beams and wings exploding into a mess of a million different colours that were probably drawn all at once. "This-," he says, deepening his voice and flexing his free arm as he holds up the drawing, "Is the Absolute GOD of Hyperdeath!" My eyes loll in their sockets. "He's immortal," Asriel goes on, "Can fire lasers out of his hands that instantly kill any enemy, can use giant swords and a big laser cannon and pull stars out of the sky to crush his enemies and blow up anything with his mind!"

"Wow." I say, "This certainly is… cool." He looks at me angrily.

"Ugh, come on Chara! Isn't this getting your imagination started? Don't you feel an urge to create something of your own? Another badass entity capable of total destruction?" I look down at the paper, glancing then at the pens. There's an odd tingling sensation in my lower belly.

"Okay, sure." I smirk, going to pick up some colours.

"Nice." Asriel says, turning back to his own bombastic creation. I set the black pen to the paper and being weaving shapes. I'm seeing a character in my mind, it's a she, obviously, and… I start feeling myself draw the shapes on the paper almost without calculating what should go where. I notice Toriel putting a steaming side of bacon and eggs next to me but I barely have the capacity to turn and thank her. I start drawing details, I give her a curved red smile, red eyes covered by thick black hair. A stripy jumper, like mine, obviously, jeans… and…

"Finished." I hold up the drawing. Asriel seems to shuffle back on his chair.

"What… is that?" He asks, sounding weirded out. I turn to look at it. It's a girl like me, is all I can say, with some artistic liberties here and there.

"Her name is…" I start trying to draw up a name that isn't just mine, "Determination."

"O…kay?" Asriel says, "What are her powers?"

"She… uh…" I look back at the painting, red eyes with brown streaks pouring down around the curvy smile, "She's invincible and can destroy an entire universe with a single attack."

"Why would you ever wanna destroy the world, Chara?" He asks.

"Why not?" I say, feeling a smile creep onto my face, "She can do whatever she wants!" I look back down at my creation. "She's… normally pretty friendly, I think. But she doesn't like being attacked, if you attack her she'll destroy you instantly."

"She couldn't destroy the ABSOLUTE GOD OF HYPERDEATH!" He says, picking up his drawing and throwing it into the light, holding it there like a new-born prince.

"Nah. She'd crush him. No question." I say, smirking."

"Heh. Maybe." Asriel says, letting the paper drop back down to the surface of the table. "Sure would be nice if this were us."

"I don't think I could handle that kinda power, Asriel."

"What are you talking about? That'd be so cool!" I want to correct him but I feel this strange urge to agree.

"Yeah, maybe." I hear some loud footsteps behind me.

"Oh ho! Good morning!" It's Asgore, in his king-sized pyjamas.

"Morning dad!" Asriel says chirpily.

"Morning son, and morning to you too, Chara!" I smile and wave. "Golly what are these…" He says, kneeling down and taking Asriel and my drawings.

"Mine's called the ABSOLUTE GOD OF HYPERDEATH!" Asriel proclaims, but I can see a strange fixation on Asgore's face as he looks from Asriel's to mine.

"That's… that's great, Asriel." He says. I feel a strange plummeting feeling in my stomach as Asgore goes over mine without saying a word. "And who…" He asks, "Who is this, Chara?"

"Her…" I cough, "Her name's Determination."

"O… oh." He says, before doing a strangely forced cough. He stands looking at the drawing for a long time, almost like he's examining every scrawled impromptu detail. "Chara?" He asks.

"Yeah, Asgore?" I ask, looking up and feeling an odd premonition.

"Would you mind taking a moment to talk with me?"

"What about?" Asriel asks.

"In private, I mean." Asgore says, sternly.

"Oh. Okay." I push my chair back and follow Asgore out of the room. He takes me to a room beyond his and Toriel's bedroom. There's a sign on the door reading 'Room Under Renovations.' He leans forward and presses his hand to the lock. I feel a strange heat rush through my body as a series of mechanical sounds emanate from the woodwork, and hence, the door swung gently open.

"Take a step inside, Chara." I feel scared. I walk inside. It's dark, but he flips a switch and a dingy light fills the room with a musky beige glow. There are two chairs and a tarp over something long, lain on the ground. "Take a seat." He says. I do so without hesitating.

"What is this?" I ask.

"Nothing much." He looks at the tarp on the floor. "You know, being a king isn't always the best job in the world to have."

"I can imagine that." I say. "Politics are difficult to manage."

"Oh," he says, chuckling, "No, no, it's sometimes a little more than that." His smile starts to fade. "You wouldn't ever have heard of the War in Waterfall, would you?" I shake my head. "No, of course not. Well, many years ago after having been banished to the underground, we made a crusade across this land in search of new places to colonise and to grow. We soon found a place, damp, crystalline, and called it Waterfall. As our conquest of the land went on… we started having trouble keeping people in check. When managing battles and a kingdom at the same time… it's difficult to keep everyone happy, and unfortunately, Waterfall became the brunt of most of that misery." I shuffle uncomfortably on my chair.

"So what happened?" I ask.

"A monster there said he was sick of living in poverty and swore to overthrow me and take my crown to lead the monsters into a new age. He was, effectively, a terrorist. He had few followers, but he held a very small village in Waterfall, and he held it like a complete and utter madman. He sat on a mountain of munitions, slaughtering innocent villagers who tried to escape and forcing his followers to end their own lives in the name of his agenda. It wasn't long before I was called back to deal with this threat and leave the claim of new land to someone else. I arrived at the village, and he was wandering around, babbling uncontrollably. 'They're all wrong,' he was saying 'They're all insane, I'm the only sane one,' he was saying. I called out, asking what was wrong. He turned, and I saw so much on that man's face. Surprise, anger, questioning, realisation, and then fear. Unmistakably, the look on that monster's face was fear almost beyond measure."

"So what did you do?" I ask.

"I walked up to him." He goes on, "I walked up to him and asked him to speak to me. I asked him to sit down and settle this over a cup of tea, but… as you can imagine… he would have none of it. He pulled a tremendous sword and began to try and strike me with it. He tried valiantly, but I disarmed him soon enough. He was wounded, and emotional, but I offered him a chance to redeem himself and to come fight for me again. He didn't listen. His face scarred, he looked up at me and said, "If you let me live, I'll come back." Again, I tried to reason with him. But again, he said those words, "If you let me live, I'll kill everyone you love." I stood there for three days talking to him, but he still spoke of nothing but death. So what did I do?"

"I don't…"

"I left. I turned and let him go on."

"Why?" I ask, almost feeling angry and frustrated, "Why'd you let such a dangerous person live?"

"Because if I had killed him, Chara," he says, his eyes masked by a shadow as his head tilts down, his horns towering like spikes of flesh, "I'd be as bad as him."

"No! No you wouldn't! You'd have saved so many people!"

"You think so?"

"Yes!"

"Well…" He looks back over at the tarp. "It's a good thing I couldn't keep my promise. After that day he extradited his troops from Waterfall and assaulted a tiny village in Snowdin. He killed every one of them, and mounted their heads on the stalagmites in his home. And so I returned…" He pauses for a time in which there feels almost no way of knowing when it began, or ended. "…And killed him." I exhale, deeply. "I cut off his head." I can't help but smile. "And it felt…" He looks back at the tarp, "So, so awful."

"Why? You'd saved many more lives."

"I know. But by my hands, I'd ended one. By mine. If I hadn't, he'd still be alive, and, maybe, he might've changed his mind."

"You can't rely on that, Asgore, you know that."

"There's always a chance to spare a life." He stands up, reaches down, and throws back the tarp. There's a coffin underneath. He looks over at me, and I see a single tear mingling with his fur. "Even after all the lives I saved, I'm haunted by the one I ended." He holds there for a long time. I'm not sure what to say. "Do you understand," he finally goes on, "What I'm saying, Chara?"

"I…" I stop for a moment. "Yes, I think so."

"Good." And with that, he leaves, without a word. I stay in the room for a while. I look down at the coffin. My lips break, I stand, and start walking over to it. Kneeling down, I reach over and jam my nails between the lid and the body of the stone tomb. My muscles tearing, I pull my arms up, and throw the lid open. Inside is a tiny, tiny little monster, almost like a boy. He has tiny little arms, stubby legs, a stripy, reptilian body, but his face is looking straight at me with eyes lolling toward the floor. I feel tense, but then the most satisfying release grips my body, as I look down and see my father lying in its place.


	10. Chapter 10

I stand up and start walking back to the dinner table, feeling dizzy, somewhat. Asriel, Toriel, and surprisingly Asgore are sitting around the table eating bacon and eggs.

"Hey Chara!" Asriel calls to me, grinning madly, "Sit down, come on!" I can't help but smile and oblige. Before I can find my seat, there's a knock on the door. It sounds feeble, almost as if the wood was stroked rather than struck. As I sit down to eat, Asgore stands up, his face contorted. He goes to the door, wrapping his cloak around his neck and opening the door. As I funnel mouthfuls of bacon into my mouth I hear his conversation from beyond the door.

"Ah, Doctor! What a pleasant surprise-," Asgore says, before a new voice, cold and sharp, cuts him off.

"I apologise, my King. It wasn't appropriate of me to come to your home, but I-,"

"Nonsense!" Asgore interrupts, "Come on in, you're very welcome…"

"No, I don't think that's necessary," the voice rasps, but then I hear silence, almost like a blade through what jolly noise had been there before. "Perhaps I should." Asgore walks in and lays his cloak back down by the wall.

"Now Asriel, Chara, this-," he says, and with this a tall, thin man, with entirely pale white skin, with entirely black, almost shapeless eyes dotted with tiny white specks for pupils, his left eye and mouth conjoined by a huge black line, almost like a river of ink. He's wearing a black V-neck sweater with a white scarf strangling his neck, as well as thin black trousers. "Is Dr. Gaster. Your mother's already met the good doctor a few times before," Toriel stands up to attention,

"Ah," she says, "Yes, we have, would the doctor like something to…?"

"No, no." the doctor says with a polite wave of his hand and a smile, "I shan't be staying long."

"Well, that's too bad. You should let me know if you plan to come back any time." Toriel sits back down with Asriel and I to eat, but meanwhile I can't help but notice the doctor looking at me with a strange look in his cold, dead eyes.

"Asriel, I've talked about the doctor before," Asgore goes on, "You know who he is, right?" Asriel lazily drops his fork and turns to his father,

"Yeah, dad," he says, "He built the core, right?"

"Absolutely, son. The most important structure in the whole underground, built and designed by this man-," yet beyond Asgore's rambling the doctor doesn't attend to conversation at all. He just looks at me with his tiny, white, near pupil-less eyes. Soon, his attention is drawn back to Asgore as his lips begin to shake,

"Asgore," he says, "What is-,"

"And it was then that-," Asgore stops, turning back to the Doctor, "What is what?" I feel a pang in my chest. I place my knife and fork together and stand up.

"I'm finished." I say, taking my barely eaten breakfast back to the kitchen. I can hear distant, enamoured talking between Asgore and the Doctor as I walk back out and try to go past them. Without turning to say goodbye I start charging for mine and Asriel's bedroom, where I close the door and sit on my bed, looking over at Asriel's, anything, to distract me from… that. I start to hear the Doctor's rasping voice grow louder and louder against Asgore's desperate attempts to calm him down. While I can't hear anything specific… I can hear words like 'Human' and 'Disgusting' and 'My entire life' thrown about in a mad mess of vocabulary. Eventually, I hear loud, acute footsteps before the door closes, softly. The door creaks open.

"Chara?" Asriel's standing in the door. I look over at him. The pain in my chest is gone, but I steel feel weakened, strangely.

"Hey, Asriel." I say, meekly. He walks over, slowly, and sits down on the bed, next to me.

"I get that the doctor's a little scary but why did you have to run?" He asks. I start trying to speak but my words come out as a slur of excuses almost deafening to hear.

"I…" I try to say, "I'm sorry. I'm acting a little out of touch, aren't I?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just doing stuff." I say, "I'm treating myself like I'm too important, and I shouldn't, so I'll stop."

"What-,"

"I'll stop," I snap back, "Asriel, I'll stop." He shuffles a little close.

"You don't need to stop, you know." He says. "Mom and dad and me really like you here, we don't mind if you need to… you know… do whatever if you feel like it." I wheeze, short of breath, trying to laugh.

"Thanks, Asriel." I say. We sit in silence for a few moments, before he punches me in the shoulder.

"Race you outside!" He blurts at me, getting up and bolting for the door. I sit motionless for a few seconds before I smile, and run after him. I run out of the house just in time to see him running down the garden path. I've been here a few times before, but never beyond the front gate. I don't really feel a twinge of guilt however as I run past and look both ways for Asriel, wherever he is. I… I can't see him. Where… I look to my right, nothing, left, nothing. Then, from my right, I hear a muffled giggle.

"AH HAH!" I shout and run down the path after the sound, where I see a tiny tuft of fur vanish into a tiny crevice in the wall. Bushes ensconce this tiny ovular hole, a bottom-half made of mud with almost a canopy of branches not three feet above it. Almost without thinking I drop to my knees and start burrowing into it. My knees and hands get caked with mud but I almost lose the will to care. I emerge on the other side where he's standing, arms crossed, in a beacon of light shining from a crevice in the craggy ceiling. The floor is a dense mixture of mud and cobblestones with some old pillars climbing toward the sky.

"Well well well," He says, turning away, keeping his arms crossed, "So you had the guts to make it here at all. Let alone beat me here." I snort and laugh.

"Shut up." I say back, smiling till I hurt.

"Since you're here I think it's high-time we go with fun 101, hide and seek." I try not to cringe and be polite.

"Sure thing…?"

"What? You must've played hide and seek before! No, come on," he walks over to me and places his hands over my eyes. "Keep your hands over your eyes while I hide, count to ten, and come find me.

"I know what hide and seek is, Asriel."

"Prove it." He removes his fluffy mitts as I place my own hands over my eyes. I hear a scuffling of paws over the ground mixed with a muffled sound of Asriel continuously falling over. As scratchy as my throat is, I open my mouth and begin counting,

"10," I shout, thinking to myself as I count. Today's been really odd. In spite of everything that's happened I can't help but feel energised, almost happy right now. "9," It almost doesn't make sense to me. In stories I hear, characters stay angry or sad for months at a time… "8," but in a morning where so much has happened it's jarring to think that I'm ready to play, like a kid, less than, what, ten minutes later? "7," I don't think I have time to think about it now. "6," I start seeing images of the people I had left behind. I feel the smile on my face grow wider. "5," Who the hell cares if it makes sense or not, "4," Who the hell needs to know? This is my life, not theirs. I don't have any rules I need to follow. "3," Yeah, I guess I don't anymore. "2," The world felt so regular, confining, almost. "1," but now… trapped underground, I feel free as if the rocks above were clouds, hole in the rocks as the sun itself. "Ready or not, here I come!"


	11. Chapter 11

And so, more time passed under the mountain. A lot of the time I try to recollect all that has happened between then and now, but it often passes me by faster than I can remember it. Most of the time, the memories I'll settle on are the ones I shared with Asriel. After our first game of hide and seek, inhibitions sunk away like they'd almost never been there before. I stopped caring about trying to act like an adult, I stopped trying to be who I wasn't. And now, for the first time, I actually feel… happy. I'm not even sure if that adequately describes the feeling I have right now, but… for simplicity's sake, I think it will have to do.

There was one moment, however, six months to the day that I had fallen down, that my sanctuary was disturbed for but a few moments. Asriel and I were playing around the pillars beneath the mouth of the mountain, when I started to feel a chill.

"Chara?" He said, turning around to see me standing still, arms by my sides. "What's wrong?" He looked over my shoulder, and saw what, or who, I felt.

"I…" The doctor said, "I am sorry to have disturbed you."

"Oh." Asriel said back, without breaking his cheerful smile, "That's okay. Were you looking for my dad?"

"No… no." He said, curving the black slit in his face upward, trying to resemble a smile. "I was actually in search of your… friend, here." He gestured to me with his hand. "I would like to speak to her, if you wouldn't mind."

"Well, I guess…" Asriel said complacently, dropping his arms and looking reluctant. I mustered a smirk, before turning to face the doctor. He towered at least twice my height. His head white as china with his eyes black as ink almost seemed to draw light from around him. His visage frightens me even now.

"I must ask," The doctor said, "That your friend and I have a moment alone. Is that agreeable, prince?" Asriel perked up at the word 'prince', shrugged, and said;

"Okay. See you later Chara!" Before he crawled back through the bush to go home again. The doctor walked closer. I felt colder as he did. Goosebumps prickled my arms and legs.

"May I talk to you for a moment, Miss Dreemurr?" He asked. This took me aback. I hadn't been referred to like this before. I hadn't met anyone outside of the Dreemurrs besides the doctor, and so no one had ever called me other than Chara. Chara Dreemurr. The name, I recall, made me feel strangely more accustom. If anything I should congratulate the doctor on being so manipulative, as I sat on my legs drawn under the skirt I was wearing at the time, as he knelt and let the moisture of the bricks coat his immaculate black trousers.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked, turning up and looking into his eyes. It was, to say the least, a difficult look to maintain.

"I… I am not sure," he said, sounding less confident than he had before, "If you heard the king and I arguing, some months ago. My last visit." I drew back and remembered how I had left after his piercing gaze made me run in fear of being stabbed by the ice with which he looked.

"Yes," I say, "I did hear. What were you arguing about?"

"I was… taken by surprise when I learned that you were not a monster." He said. I gulped.

"Why?" I asked.

"You see, in the Underground, we monsters haven't known humans since we were sealed beneath the mountain, I myself have never seen a human before. And you must understand, humans were the ones who cursed us to live here."

"And?" I asked. I saw his ambiguous forehead muscles tense. The blackness in his eyes closed, almost to turn his face entirely white, before he opened them again, and exhaled.

"Help me understand." He said. "I don't know how the king of a people sealed underground by yours can scarce look at you, let alone take you in and care for you. Let you play with his son. Let you eat his wife's cooking. I don't…"

"Maybe," I said, "It's because he doesn't hate humans."

"What do you mean?" He asked, almost angrily, "How can he not? I have known this world my entire life and I…" I saw him trail off. His fist clenched around a clump of soil.

"Think about it this way-," I said, "While humans might have locked you down here, I didn't. I couldn't help being born one of them. So, why be hung up on something I didn't do?" He sat in silence for a while as I looked at him. Then, he turned to me.

"Thank you." And then, he stood up, and went to leave. What happened next is something I find difficult to recall, but I will try to as best I can. I started to feel the muscles in my stomach tense up, like barbed wire had been wrapped around it, and was gradually being pulled from one end so as to drag the barbs through it. My vision started to turn red, just like it had but three days after I had arrived. It became so red that I could barely see. I saw hints of grass, the light from above turning the crimson into a brighter colour, but little more than that. When I opened my eyes, I wasn't where Asriel and I were playing. I was at the mouth of the tunnel, just on the little road leading back to our house. I looked up. Asriel was there. He was staring at me, and I can still remember the look in his eyes sending shivers through me.  
"Wh- what did you do?" He asked. I looked down. There was a pile of dust coating me, the prickling grains digging into my bare legs. I looked down at my hands, they, too, were covered in dust, spreading from my fingertips in spurts down to my palms.

"I…" I said, "I don't know."

"You…" Asriel said, looking at me in a way I had never seen him look before. It was almost like when he looked at me as we watched that movie together. "You killed him."

"What?" I asked, "Killed who?"

"The- the kid! He just wandered through here!"

"What? How?" I felt my stomach tense further, I felt sick.

"I'm…" Asriel said, looking back toward the house, "I'm going to tell mom and dad."

I was still confused as the redness cleared, as I saw him starting to walk away, before I took him by the shoulder. "No, you aren't." I said. He looked at me, still terrified.

"We're going to clean this up, and we aren't going to talk about it again." He looked down at the dust. Then he looked up at me. Then he looked back at the house. And then, he turned to me again.

"Okay." He said. He went back to the house, got a dustpan and brush and helped me seal the dust beneath the light where we were playing, in a tiny hole we dug together in the soil nearby.

"We should make a blood pact." I said, biting my thumb and holding the tiny droplet of red out towards him. He looked down at it, then bit his own thumb. Dust poured out, and fell in a line, down his thumb. We put our thumbs together, as the blood and dust merged into a thick, red, paste. We covered the dust in soil, before we left, side by side, to talk to mom and dad.

Since then Asriel and I have become closer. Much closer. He's far less childish than he was, since turning nine, but we still play together from time to time. He's actually turned out to be a very valuable friend. He and I share a connection I've never felt before. I've always been unsure of how to describe it. Is it friendship? Siblingship? …Love? Who knows. He and I are happy, however. I try not to think about the surface, and my father, how he must be feeling. I can't imagine he misses me, nor does anyone else. To hear I had gone missing on a mountain no one returns from was likely a relief for them. What does it matter. I'm rambling. The future looks promising, though. Lately I've been feeling this great amount of anticipation, like I'm constantly waiting for more good to happen, and over the six months since the incident, it's felt as though things have gotten better each and every day. Perhaps it'll stay this way forever, till I die.

"Chara?" I hear Asriel's voice from outside.

"Just a second!" I call back. I drop my pen, and hide my diary beneath the mattress of my bed.


	12. Chapter 12

I'm lying out in the clearing where Asriel and I come to play. No light is pouring through the crevice like usual, it's just dark. My heartbeat is low, pounding. Thump, thump, thump, like a bass drum. Tiny droplets of water sink from the edges of the opening and drip, one by one, down and mix with the soil below. It isn't long before a silvery light starts to replace the darkness. The moon creeps, ever so slowly, out from behind the rocks.

 _"_ _There, out in the darkness,_

 _A fugitive running,_

 _Fallen from God,_

 _Fallen from Grace,_

 _God be my witness,_

 _I never shall yield,_

 _Till we come face to face,_

 _Till we come face to face."_

The moon is creeping ever closer over the opening. I feel my throat open and want to sing louder.

 _"_ _He knows his way in the dark,_

 _Mine is the way of the Lord,_

 _Those who follow the path of the righteous,_

 _Shall have their reward,_

 _And if they fall as Lucifer fell,_

 _The flames, the sword."_

As ridiculous as the situation is, I feel a strange drive to go on.

 _"_ _Stars… in their multitudes,_

 _Scarce to be counted,_

 _Filling the darkness,_

 _Of order and light,_

 _You are the sentinels,_

 _Silent and sure,_

 _Keeping watch in the night…"_

"Chara?" I hear Asriel say from behind me.

 _"_ _Keeping watch in the night."_ He comes over and lies next to me. Putting his arms behind his head. "That was pretty weird, huh?" I ask.

"Why were you singing it?" Asriel asks. I take a deep sigh.

"Back on the surface, I never went many places outside my village other than… work, school, and home. But one day, after some people came to talk to my dad, he told me we were going to go somewhere." I take another deep breath. "So he paid for a taxi fare. Took us way out of our county, further than I'd ever been before. When we stopped, we were outside this huge building. Multi-storey, people queueing up for a greater distance than I could see. We went inside, and my dad sat me down in this chair, in a tiny box, to the left hand side of a huge array of red velvet seats, just like mine, looking onto a flat surface behind a curtain. We sat as the curtain went up, and these people in costume started singing and acting together. I don't remember a lot… but that song was the one thing from it that I remember off by heart." Asriel exhales loudly.

"So, why are you singing it now?"

"I don't know," I sigh, "I suppose… it was just…" I see some images come back. I get a headache. "Never mind." The moon has covered nearly half of the crevice. Asriel and I just lie there, not a word spoken. Until,

"Do you want to talk about who's buried under here?" We lie for at least five more minutes, or so it feels.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You know what I mean," he says, "the kid."

"I… I know. And… I don't know what you want me to say. I can hardly remember it." Asriel leans up, resting on his elbow to turn and look down at me.

"How can you not remember something like that?" I muster a chuckle.

"Who knows?" I ask, shuffling down and resting my head on my palms. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Asriel's face go through many different emotions. Almost like grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression… and he lies down in acceptance thereafter. He sniffs.

"I brought something." He leans over and pulls a tiny book out of his back pocket, before rolling back onto his back, next to me.

"What's this?" I ask, taking a look at the cover, illuminated in moonlight.

"Just listen." He opens to a page somewhere toward the end. "It's a story well known in the underground. Mom used to read it to me to get me to sleep." I snort and cover my mouth with my left arm as I start to chuckle, "Hey!" He holds a page open with his paw and starts to read, letting me see the page.

 _"_ _I sat alone, there, finding a dark corner of my home to reside in as the clock of death wove its pattern across the shadows of the room. Little light through the windows, little air to breathe, and little hope that shone into my inky corner of the world."_

"What a mood lifter." I say. Asriel ignores me and keeps reading;

 _"_ _For forty days and forty nights I lay alone, the nails and the splintering wood gashing my back and carving me to shreds. Little hope remained for me, little monster that I was, alone here in the darkness of my house. Children I heard, playing outside. Couples I heard, laughing and kissing outside. Parties I heard, music and dancing for miles. Yet none to break the darkness that had shrouded my house."_ I see Asriel take a deep breath.

 _"_ _Yet a day would come, hours gone by, years left to turn to dust, when the mould of the door and the cobwebs on the walls would bathe in the light outside again. I waited, for so long I waited that my bones had turned to dust and my flesh to paste, yet for so long I spent there, every day taking an etching of my soul, a voice would come to calm the darkness. And his name was hope."_ He shuts the book by clamping his hand shut.

"Was that supposed to mean anything?" I ask.

"Who knows?" He says. "Take it as you will." He puts the book back in his pocket and lays back down. The moon has totally eclipsed the opening, bringing as much light to it as the sun would, most days. "Should we be getting back?" Asriel asks, looking over at me. His fur shines in the moonlight, almost to make rays of light dance over the corners of the clearing.

"Moon's still overhead. It'll barely be midnight." I say. "We've got hours yet." I turn to him. "Do you have any other books you like?"

"What kind?"

"Any." I say. "Get them." His ears perk up, and I see the corners of his smile grow closer to them.

"Okay, give me a second." He gets up and scrambles through the bushes back toward the house. I look back up at the moon. It's starting to reach just past the clearing, about to pass over the mountain and descend down the other side, before it reappears in the same cycle the next day. And the next… and the next… my eyes fall closed.

"Why did you kill me?"


	13. Chapter 13

"Chara?" Asriel turns to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, "Are you feeling okay?" I breathe out and put my hand on his.

"Just fine." I look out the window of the carriage. We've been travelling for hours now, this mysterious carriage Asgore had summoned to our house just this morning. Drawn by two green, gelatinous slimes, which, if I recall correctly started to fly a good while ago when we went through a place called Hotland, the carriage is, if Asgore was being truthful, supposed to take us to Waterfall. I recall feeling frightened at the mention of the name, but now I can't say I feel too worried. Looking out the window, I can see we're drawing close to a place matching Waterfall's description now – dark blue walls lined in crystals sporting a riot of colour.

The sound of the wheels scraping against hot ground turned almost suddenly to the sound of moist gravel being churned underneath. We drive past a huge, rotating sign reading 'WELCOME TO HOTLAND'.

"Dad used to take me here a lot," Asriel says, "Waterfall's definitely my… second favourite place to go." I chuckle.

"Where's the first?" I ask,

"Hmm… I don't know. It's definitely something though!" I cover my mouth to stop myself laughing at him. We sit in silence for a moment. "Did…" he says, "Did you ever have a favourite place to go? On the surface?" My mind goes back like a child thrown onto a bed of spikes. I start thinking of different things to say.

"I can remember… um…"

"Yeah?"

"There was a bench I used to sit on to eat my lunch, on the way home from school." Asriel seems to perk up.

"You went to school?" He asks, "Wait, of course you did, but what's it like?"

"School?" I respond, sounding almost shocked, "School was… never for me, I don't think."

"Why not?" He asks, "You can meet a bunch of cool friends, learn new stuff, what's not fun about that?"

"I…" I stammer, thinking, should I tell him? Is it right just to lie? "I don't really know. Just never appealed to me." I hope that gets him off my back.

"Huh." Asriel sits back down in his part of the velvet bench. "I don't know why you wouldn't like it but… eh." Thank God. I look down at my shoes for a moment. When I look back, Asriel's upper body is leaning out of the carriage. He bounds back inside, yelling, "We're here! Get out, Chara, we're here!"

"Calm down," Toriel says, smiling and taking hold of Asriel's arm, "The day's barely started yet, have a little patience." I sit with my eyes half closed. The idea that Asriel is so energetic right now feels a little foreign. But either way, I force myself up and follow Asriel out of the carriage.

Stepping outside, all I can see is shining blue, orange and green. Light dances off tiny crystals embedded in walls of a deepest blue, filling the room in a disco of natural light. The place itself is just a bed of water, an exit behind me, two ways off ahead, one to the left and right. No one else is here. Asgore lowers himself from the carriage, as Toriel follows closely behind him.

"Now," Asgore says, "You two be good-,"

"You're leaving us alone?" I ask, before he can finish.

"Of course!" He says, "You and Asriel deserve time to spend together alone in a place you have yet to discover." Asriel and I catch eyes for a moment and giggle.

"Gorey-," Toriel whispers to Asgore, before he looks startled.

"Ah, well, seems Tori and I have to go," he says, "Goodbye!" He turns to leave, and as he does, Toriel leans down, and ruffles our hair with both hands.

"Be good, alright?" She asks, before standing up and walking after the king. We watch them disappear into a tunnel to the left of us. The slimes pulling the carriage take off and fly back from where we came. Asriel and I turn to one another.

"So." He says. "Where do you wanna go?" I look around pensively.

"You're the one who's been here a lot." I say, tapping him on the shoulder, "You tell me." I see Asriel's eyes start to light up. I expect him to say something when he grabs my arm and drags me behind where the carriage was.

"Hey!" I say, pulling at his arm, but to no avail, he drags me along the stony blue floors toward a downward slope, lined in thick sandy mud. He lets go of my arm. "Okay, first off, what was-," he pushes me down the slope. My feet slide for one second, trying to stay upright, before I plunge face-first into the blue darkened mud and slide, slowly, and pathetically, to the bottom. As I spit out the blue-ish paste from my teeth, I hear a;

"Wheee!" Before Asriel lands, upright, sitting next to me. I push him over, where he lands on his back in the mud.

"The hell did you do that for?" I look down at my skirt and tights, covered in a sticky blue. "I only have so many clothes, Asriel!" He's just laughing. Why's he laughing. "Hey! Are you gonna apologise?" He laughs some more.

"Nope!" He throws a blob of mud into my face. After the sticky blackness has cleared from my eyes, he's already gone. I look at the area around me. There are piles of garbage lying around, rusty bicycles, empty PC cases, old lumps of packaging. And… ah hah. There's an Asriel hiding behind an old sofa. Hmm… I look around and gather a clump of mud, hiding it behind my back. I walk over to his sofa-fort, looking as defeated as possible.

"Hey, Asriel?" I ask, "I'm really not in the mood for this right now, can we stop?" He peers over the top.

"What?" He asks, before sighing. "Okay, Chara. If you're not feeling great we can-," he turns away. By the time he turns back, I'm already there.

"HAH!" I smear the mud all over his snout and run away into the recesses of the garbage dump. Where to hide? Where is best strategically? I look around, and see… ah, a trash bin. I gather more mud and hop inside. I hear footsteps drudging through the wetness outside. I have to admire how hard he's trying. I slowly peek over. He's gone past. I chuck a clump of mud at him and quickly duck back down.

"Ow!" He calls out, before a stream of growls and mumbling follows, inaudible. Why is it so hard to stop laughing now of all times? I peek back over. He's staring right at me.

"My fortress!" I cry out, "You've slain so many innocents! How far will you go," I remember back to that day, a year ago now, "GOD OF HYPERDEATH?" Asriel charges at me, mud in hand, splatting it in my face, dead on.

"Get dunked on!" Asriel roars at me, as I clear my face I hear a mischievous pattering of feet running further into the dump. Oh, that is IT. I clamber out of the trash and start stalking my prey, slowly but surely. I can see his horns protruding from behind a stack of old CDs. I creep in front of it, pressing my back to the side.

"You must have misunderstood…" I whisper, as Asriel leans over and powers a ball of mud down, but I sweep around and stand behind him before it can hit me, "SINCE WHEN WERE YOU THE ONE IN CONTROL?" I reach into the ground and start throwing blob after blob into his face as fast as possible, watching him cower in defeat. I start laughing at him. "HAH! SO EASILY DEFEATED, LITTLE ASRIEL!" I say, powering more and more mud on top of him.

"Calm down!" Asriel says through a stream of constant giggling, "Okay Chara you win! You win! Stop!" I let my arms hang by my sides. "That-," he says, "Is a creepy face. Are you gonna kill me or something?" I walk closer.

"What?" I ask, getting up close, so close that our noses touch, "THIS?" I do as creepy a smile as I can muster. Asriel backs off, laughing.

"You sure you can't just kill everyone with a single attack?" He asks

"Say my name, then maybe I won't." I lie back in the mud, letting it curl around my hair.

"Eh. Determination's a dumb name."

"You're a dumb name."

"No you're dumb!" Asriel throws more mud at me.

"SO!" I say, standing up, "YOU DISAGREE WITH A CEASEFIRE!" Asriel cowers behind a stack of CDs. "I thought not." I slap my hands, dusting them off. I see something glinting in Asriel's cover. I walk over and kneel down, rifling through the pile.

"Hey!" Asriel says, "My life depends on that!"

"Shut up." I say, pushing him over. I pick up what I saw shining. It's a CD, obviously, but this one seems almost completely intact. No scratches, no cracks, nothing. "Hey Asriel?" I ask as he sits back up, "Mom and Dad got a CD player anywhere?" He scratches his chin with a claw.

"Don't know. Not hard to get one though, they're pretty cheap."

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

"Why?"

"This CD-," I show him, "Isn't it amazing how it isn't damaged? At all?"

"That is pretty weird," he says, "Do you know what it's of?" While the case is entirely plain, transparent plastic, the CD inside has a clear label. Peering through, it says, 'David Bowie – Space Oddity'. I show it to Asriel

"Oh yeah," he says, "I forgot the waste here comes from the surface. I start to feel chills.

"Are you serious?" I ask him.

"Uh, yeah?" He asks, "Why?"

"I swear I remember listening to this song!"

"You're serious?"

"Yeah! It was really popular back on the surface when it came out, on the radio literally every day."

"Huh." Asriel says, "Well, when we get home, we can see if we can get it to work."

"Awesome." I say, closing the CD case and laying my hands down by my sides. I sit down next to Asriel, trying to ignore the mud mixing with my skirt and tights by drawing my knees up to meet my face. "So…" I ask, "When you said you come here a lot-,"

"No, Chara," he says, "I don't come here just to cover myself in mud, especially not on my own." He looks down at the floor. "There's somewhere else I usually go."

"Where's that?" I ask.

"It's a little far away from here but it's this corridor, only a few feet wide, but there's this little enclave where rain falls through this tiny little hole. I go there." I chuckle.

"And what do you do there?" I ask, "Just sit and get rained on while thinking about how lonely you are?"

"Well…" He says, pausing for a little while. "I was six years old, first time I came here." He takes a deep breath. "I was here, there was a market set up in that part of town, and dad dropped me off while he went away to go do a bunch of kingly stuff. While I was there… some kids started picking on me. I didn't go to school, and so I guess since I was a stranger and didn't know the place all that well, they just started going after me. Their parents weren't there and, well, you know."

"Yeah." I say. "School kids do that to you."

"I see." He says. "Anyway, long story short I ended up running away and hid out there. Dad thinks I normally walk around the markets and make friends, quote un quote, but I just sit there and, as you said, think about how lonely I am."

"I get it Asriel," I say, "I was pretty lonely on the surface, too." There's some distant spattering of feet in the mud. Asriel and I dive behind a nearby sofa, peering over. It's a man, clad in armour, wielding a huge sword.

"Prince?" He calls out, "If you're here, I need you to come with me." Asriel pops his head over. "There you are!" The man clanks over, extending a hand. "Your father sent instructions to send you two home immediately.

"What happened?" I ask.

"He didn't explain, just that it was dangerous for you to stay here." A few after-school specials about stranger danger flash in my head but I just decide to ignore them. He looks official. "The carriage is just outside, if you'll come with me."

Asriel and I are sitting in our chairs, staring at the lone CD. Distant rumbling comes from the corridor as Asgore's muffled growls accompany them. Suddenly, the door bursts open, as Asgore lays an ancient CD player on the ground. Asriel and I run over.

"See?" He says, exhausted, "I found one!" Asriel finds the power lead while I hurriedly scramble to get the CD into the player. Asriel plugs it in, and leaves it to rest on the table. I press the lid down, the CD begins to turn. A crackling comes from inside the speaker. The sounds of distant guitar notes begin emanating from the player, emotional, distant, strumming.

"I think I can remember the words," I whisper, as the lyrics start.

 _"_ _Ground Control to Major Tom."_

I let the song play out. Then, as they come next, I sing along,

 _"_ _Ground Control to Major Tom."_

The song continues. As the next line sounds, Asriel says, "Ground contro-," as I follow,

 _"_ _Take your protein pills and put your helmet on,"_ I chuckle at him.

 _"_ _Ground Control to Major Tom,_

 _Commencing countdown, engines on,_

 _Check ignition, and may God's Love be with you…"_

The chorus starts up, as I stand, raise my hands into the air, and sing along,

 _"_ _This is Ground Control to Major Tom,_

 _You've really made the Grave,_

 _And the papers want to know whose shirt you wear,_

 _Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare,"_ I turn to Asriel, taking him by the arm, as we spin around together, "Sing along!" I say, and, worriedly, we go on;

 _"_ _This is Major Tom to Ground Control,_

 _I'm stepping through the door,_

 _And I'm floating in a most a-peculiar way,_

 _And the stars look very different, today…"_

I barely notice how Asriel messed up on the first line. "Okay, just follow my lead, I say. Asgore and Toriel take a seat as Asriel and I dance and spin together in time to the strumming of the guitar,

 _"_ _For here…_

 _Am I sitting in a tin can…_

 _Far. Above the world,_

 _Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do,"_

The guitar plays alone as I click my fingers to the beat and Asriel follows my lead. I can't supress the dumb, stupid smile on my face.

 _"_ _Though I'm passed one hundred thousand miles,_

 _I'm feeling very still,_

 _And I think my spaceship knows which way to go,_

 _Tell my wife I love her very much,_

 _She knows!"_

The lyrics and music move on, and they seem to blur into one. Dancing with Asriel, time moves as fast as we do. We stand back to back, as I sing correctly and Asriel tries so hard to follow.

It was to that song that we would live out the rest of our childhood. For years we played that same song on the player at least once every week, until both Asriel and I knew it, off by heart. And here I am… six years have passed. My sixteenth birthday is just a few days away. The years slipped away like they weren't even there. Was it thanks to Asriel? Or just being away from my father? I don't think it matters. I've enjoyed every day since. I haven't had an incident since then, not since Asriel and I sung together that day. And who even cares if it's about to change, if ever. The time we spent together… it's perfect. Whether or not it's time to leave the capsule, step through the door, it's now that I feel ready. As ready as ever I've felt before. Down here, no sunlight, beings I don't resemble… that's where home is. There's nothing they can do to bring me home, but I don't care. I'm so, so happy.


	14. Chapter 14

"Hey Chara." Asriel slings his bag over his shoulder as it falls with a slight thud on the floor.

"Hey Az." I say back, "Mom gave you extra homework again?" He scoffs.

"You were there."

"Just wanted to rub it in your face as all. No harm done." He sits at his desk and takes out a pen and sets it to a wad of paper. "Hey." I say. Nothing. "Hey! Asriel! Need any help?"

"I'm fine." He says, "Just go back to your book or whatever." I snort.

"Az, come on." I get up and saunter over, dragging a chair behind me, sitting down and looking at the hell in front of him.

"I told you-," he says,

"Uh buh buh buh!" I interrupt him, putting a finger to his snout, "You know you need me for this. Now what's the first question?" He exhales deeply.

"Sure, uh-," he flicks to the first page of the wad of papers, "Surds. Mom's always pushing us to learn those."

"Correction. She is always pushing _you_ to learn those. Because I know them."

"Either way," Asriel says, "She's still making me do them, and you're so insistent to help, so are you gonna help or not?" I cross my legs and rest my chin in my hand.

"Hmm…" I say, looking up at the ceiling, "Nah."

"What?"

"I just feel like watching you struggle as I revel in the knowledge that I am far better than you in every way." I cock my head to one side and give a little smile. Those eyes, yep, he's dead inside.

"Okay, what's this one? Rationalise this denominator!" He points to a question. I don't even look. "The Hell are you doing? Rationalise, damn it!"

"That'd give away the answer." I say, "Plus, I shouldn't think that the Absolute God of Hyperdeath would need help with such a trivial question."

"Still going on about that, huh?" He asks.

"He was a super cool OC, bro. We should've written fan fiction about him and put him online." He smiles. "See? Not so hard." He drops his pen.

"Y'know," he says, "Mom's just next door, and something tells me she'd love to hand out some extra work to a certain someone who won't let me get on with my own."

"Yeah," I say, "But Asgore's next door too." I sit back. "Just let that marinate for a moment." His cheeks go so red the fur covering them seems to as well.

"You asshole." I say nothing. His cheeks go redder. He turns back to his homework but I can see he's not going to be able to concentrate very long.

"Hey." I say, touching his noise, "Boop, Az, hey," he looks up, "Let's get outta here. Go outside."

"What are you talking about?" He asks. "Mom and dad aren't gonna allow that."

"Yes, and they're the epitome of warmth and cuddles. If we left a note saying 'Hey mom and dad we're gone bye' they'd have pie on for us by the time we got back."

"You're insane."

"You clearly have very low insanity standards my friend."

"What the Hell are insanity standards?"

"Why the hell are we still sitting here?" He looks up at me for a second, and I see a million emotions in his eyes, and reigning above all… definitely bemusement. He scrawls a note on the front of his paper and we get up, sneaking through the house and vanishing out the front door.

"So." Asriel says, hands pocketed, as we walk along the garden path, "Are we going anywhere in particular or just leaving to upset mom and dad?"

"Asriel," I say, punching him lightly on the shoulder, "You give me too little credit." We keep walking.

"So are you gonna follow that up or-?"

"I was thinking," I interrupt, "We go somewhere a little dangerous."

"And you think this is a good idea why exactly?"

"Ju-shshshsh!" I blurt out, putting a finger to his snout, "Follow me, I know what I'm doing!" Before I turn and dash around the corner ahead of the garden, with Asriel's dejected footsteps following me distantly. I take him to the right, leading us past the little crevice to where we used to play together.

"Y'know," I hear a voice behind me say, "I'd actually be content to just go and talk in there." I look at him with an 'honest-to-God' type of face, "No! Like, it's safe, close by, we can go home when we want to, just-,"

"Az, come on." I wrap an arm around his shoulders. "My birthday's soon. You sure you don't treat me before then?" He sighs, and pushes my arm away.

"Whatever." He smiles, weakly. Aww. "Where were you thinking of going, and actually say something this time."

"Why don't we visit the core?" I ask. He seems to be taken aback.

"The core?" He asks, "Why? There's not much to do there we haven't done already."

"Ah whatever, I like it, and you're treating me, so let's go. Chop chop." I set off without waiting for him, yet he follows me still. That's my Asriel. We walk together without talking for a little while. I feel like I should say something. I look over at him. He looks back at me. We stand still for a moment. He reaches out, and touches my arm.

"Tag, you're it." I stop for a second. I blink. And he's gone.

"Are you actually serious right now?" I scream into the night, "Asriel, get back here, now! Come on!" No response. "Ugh." I dejectedly start walking after him. I snigger, under my breath. "Dude, Az, come on. I was looking forward to this for a while. I'm not in the mood for games right now, okay?" Still nothing. Damn. "You're a quick learner." I call out. Still nothing. Damn, he remembered the most basic rule of tag, what a turnaround. I feel really proud of him. I start walking along the path, hands behind my back. "Guess I'll just go on my own then." I start walking for the exit, just a little way along till there's a nice downward slope leading to the base of Hotland. Suddenly, I start to hear footsteps. I keep walking, inconspicuous. The footsteps are admittedly quiet, but not unnoticeable. They start to speed up. I hear him exhale a breath before I dash to the left, and he falls on the floor, hand outstretched.

"Agh…" He says, scrambling to his feet.

"Asriel," I say, folding my arms, "You sly dog." He gets up and lunges for me again. I lean back as his hand misses. "Try to catch me first!" I shout, darting toward the end of the cavern.

"Oh, that is IT!" He shouts back, chasing after me. The narrow passage opens up onto a wide open space, hot, red rock acting as a bridge along the stretch of Hotland. We start running down it together, almost side by side, our shadows dancing along the ground in the glorious light of the distant core. Time almost slows to a stop, for a moment, there. He and I running together, laughing, smiling, insulting each other at every possible opening. It's all I could've wanted. I look over at Asriel. He's trying to look mad, but there's a smile there, somewhere, as his long fluffy ears dance in the air rushing past us as we run.

There's a sudden turnoff to the right. Asriel taps me on the shoulder.

"Through here!" He says, and, of course, we both run into it. It's a short stretch of red rock leading into another cave.

"You're sure you know where you're going?" I ask, panting, trying to keep up.

"Sure I'm sure." He says, before gaining some distance. "Don't wanna lose, do you?"

"Need I remind you you're the one who's it-," he stops, and grabs hold of my arm.

"Tag." Then he runs off.

"Oh my God." And so, I run after him. After we've run a short distance, the stretch of red-seared stone opens up onto something like a… it's a balcony, so to speak. The flat surface circles out into an outcrop, before a drop leads down into a pit… that's so far away I can't see the bottom. Nice. I feel a hand on my back push me a short distance towards it. My heart stops. Then the claws of that hand pull be back onto the ledge.

"Saved your life." He says.

"Asriel, I'm willing to bet you're a bigger asshole than I am at this point." I say, punching him softly in the face.

"Yeah… I deserved that." He says. We sit together, backs against the rock, looking down onto the bustling lava-filled world beneath. I sit with my right knee pointing toward the sky, my left lying dejectedly on the floor. There's no talking for a long time while we soak it all in. "Say," Asriel says, turning to me, "Chara?"

I look over at him.

"Yeah, Asriel?"

"Mom and dad are acting kinda odd recently, aren't they?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well," he says, sitting up and looking at the floor, "I get dad's busy and all but he's barely home anymore, and when he is he just goes straight to bed."

"What are you suggesting?"

"I'm saying," he says, "I don't think we're really pulling our weight, here." Pause. "I mean, think about it, here we are running away without even letting them know and they're probably at home, stressed the Hell out about us. And everything else."

"Hey, Asriel." I say, softly, "Don't worry about it." I put an arm over his shoulders and sidle closer, resting my head by his side. "Mom and dad are fine, they've got their problems, and we have ours."

"What problems?" He asks, "We don't-,"

"Remember the kid?" I tell him. His chest falls flat as he breathes out the rest of his sentence.

"I thought we agreed not to talk about that." He says.

"I can't not talk about it, Az. You know that."

"Why not?"

"Because, Asriel, if you end up accidentally killing someone it tends to leave a bit of a mark."

"Okay!" He says, loudly, "I get it." There's another long, near deafening silence.

"Perhaps we should do something." I say. "Something just to cheer mom and dad up?"

"Maybe." He says. "What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking we could make some of that cinnamon butterscotch pie mom always makes for us. Treat them to a nice evening of eating in without any worry."

"That sounds like it could work."

"Thanks." We lapse into silence again. Then, he turns to me, and looks in my eyes, dead on.

"Do you ever…" he asks, "Think about that kid?"

"Do you ever realise you just asked me not to talk about it?"

"I know, I know, but just… I'm curious, okay?"

"What about?"

"I guess I wanna know," he sits up, bringing up a knee and resting his arm on it, "How… how did it feel?" I look down at my hands, resting in my lap.

"I… give me a second." I look up at the roof of the outcrop, trying to remember. The spurts of dust shooting down my fingers, the feeling of strain under my nails, the thumping in my head, the redness in my eyes. "I can't…" I say, "I can't remember it all that well, but…" I sit up, and draw both knees beneath my chin and clasp my hands around them, "I remember, when I saw the… the dust on my hands, it felt… good."

"What?"

"I know. Asgore gives us those talks about how wrong it is to take a life, but then when I ended up doing it… for the shortest time, before and after, it felt… euphoric, almost. Like for the shortest time, all my troubles just went away. Poof." I start seeing images behind my eyes. Flashes of something I saw long ago. I see a grey outline, moist, damp, muddy. In the centre, golden, like the flowers outside my old house. I feel water dripping down my face.

"Woah, Chara…" I hear Asriel say, as he wraps an arm around me and tucks me in toward his chest, "What's up? Hey? Chara?"

"I…" I can barely speak for my lips trembling and teeth chattering, "I just w-w-want everything to-," I bury my face in the fur of his neck, the whiteness soaking up my tears. He puts his hand on my back.

"Hey, Chara, it's okay-,"

"No-,"

"It's okay, Chara. I'm here." I feel my face start to contort, my lips stretch. I start crying out, loudly. "Chara, hey, don't worry," I clamp my teeth shut to try to stop. Shut up, Chara, stop crying. Please. "It's okay, it's okay," he runs his hand in circles on my back, "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," repeating those words over and over again, with naught a second between them, "it's okay, it's okay, it's okay."

"Eh heh heh…" I splutter, my eyes caked in moisture, eyelashes clinging to the fur on his neck. "Please…"

"I'm here." I lean up and wrap my arms around his neck, holding him as close and as tightly as I can.

"Don't…" I say,

"Don't, what, Chara, what is it?"

"Don't leave me, Asriel."

"What?"

"P-p-p-please…" I press my cheek against his, sitting on his lap, "Please d-d-d-don't…"

"It's okay, it's okay, it's not-," I sit up. Asriel's changed. His fur's gone. He looks, human.

"What-,"

"There you are." My vision goes red. I feel my teeth ramming into one another, ready to snap. It clears in a near instant, and when it does…

I'm lying in my bed, wrapped in blankets. Asriel's nowhere to be seen. I push against the bedclothes and go to the side of the room, pressing my ear to the door.

"I don't understand, Asriel." I hear Asgore say. "What are you saying?"

"Please tell me this isn't happening." I hear Toriel say.

"Just, listen to me." He says. Don't do it, Asriel. "There's something I need to tell you about Chara." I run back into bed and thrust my head into the sheets, burying my head under the pillows, pulling up as much to cover me as I can. Please, shut up, you traitor.


	15. Chapter 15

"so you went and did it." I lie still. That voice… "we talked about this, but hey, teens are gonna be teens." I push against the bedclothes and sit up. There's a figure sitting on my desk, lit by the dim light of the electric lamp next to it. It's wearing a blue hoodie, beige, fluffy shoulders, black shorts, and his head… entirely white, skinless.

"Wh-,"

"listen, kid." He says. His voice low, resonant, bouncing off the walls of the room. "i know you didn't listen to me before, but just this once…" he turns toward me. White specks in the cold, inky black eye sockets bring a pang to my chest. "kid, you're going to listen to me. understand?

"Wh-," I stammer, "What are you?"

"that doesn't matter." He says. "just listen to me, and everything will be fine. i promise you, that if you do exactly as i say, everything is going to work out fine for you, do you understand?" I feel my head shaking, my teeth knocking against each other like hammers on stone. I blink. When I reopen my eyes, the figure is sitting on my bed, cross-legged. His legs naught but bone. "your friend," he says, "whoever he is to you, is gonna walk through that door any second now. he's gonna tell you something that'll shock you, and then, he's gonna ask you to help him with something. no matter what he says, ignore it. refuse. run away." I take a moment to breathe. My chest goes out, then seeps back in, slowly.

"I don't know who the hell you are," I articulate, slowly, "But I'm happy with my life, problematic as it is. And I'm not listening to-," his piercing white eyes vanish. Oceans of black ink, staring into me.

"do that," he says, "and you're dead." My body locks still. I can't move. I can't breathe. I feel my body trying to sweat, hyperventilate, but I can't. "listen to me." He says. "no matter what your friend says when he comes in, no matter how much you want to help him, you will say no, and nothing but no." I feel my eyes able to move, eyelids, too. "blink if you understand." I hold my eyes open. "kid. you're making a mistake." I hold my eyes open, feeling my eyeballs go sore and bloodshot. "i'm going to give you one last chance to back out of this forever, do you understand?" Still, I hold my eyes open. "kid, blink, if you understand." I can almost feel blades crossing up and down my eyeballs, slicing left and right, dicing them into little cubes. Suddenly, my lips hang free. My throat opens up. "if you want to keep your life, say the words." I feel a force crushing my neck. "say to me, 'i will ignore.'" He holds for a moment. "say it." I blink, and he moves within an inch of my face. "say it." Lips trembling, I hold my mouth open, and squeeze from my throat;

"F-fuck y-you." The skeleton stops. He holds still. I blink. And he's gone. I fall back on my bed, breathing deeply, my chest hoarse and my throat crushed. I've just managed to return to normal, holding my legs close to my chest, my chin resting on my knees, when the door shuffles open, and Asriel walks in. I feel my heart stop for a moment. He walks over, and sits on my bed.

"Chara?" He asks. I don't respond. "There's something I need to talk to you about." Again, I don't respond. He looks at me. His eyes looking up at me like a lost child. "It's about dad. Apparently," he goes on, "He just got a call from someone at the core." My nails dig into the skin on my legs through my trousers. "I hate to say this, Chara, but they said that Doctor Gaster has gone insane." My teeth clench harder. "They said that he's walking around on the bridge to enter, shouting something, the same thing, over and over." Don't say it. "Chara, do you need a moment?" I shake my head, slowly.

"N-no." I say.

"The doctor is saying," Asriel says, "Bring her to me." I start breathing, jerkily. Whenever I exhale, air comes out in bursts. "do that," the skeleton's voice impales my brain, "and you're dead."

"Chara, are you alright?" Asriel looks at me, running a hand through my hair, gently. I look up at him. I start to feel bubbles in my stomach. I'm reminded of all the times Asriel and I snuck out together. All the times we ran away, laughing. It feels just like that… when I saw the dust on my hands, and when we buried it, deep in our favourite place. My mouth curves up… I can feel myself smiling. I let out a laugh.

"Yes." I say to him. His eyes widen, his pupils dilate. "I'm fine."

"You're certain?" He asks, "Chara, you don't have to act tough now, I know you're probably scared as I am, you can be honest with me." The skeleton appears behind him. Hands pocketed. His left eye a sea of inky black… the right sporting a blue flame snaking upward around his skull. I hear his voice again in my head. "say to me, 'i will ignore.'" I blink, again, and he's gone.

"Certain as ever." Asriel breathes out, slowly. I feel my toes curling, my hands clenched into tight fists.

"Sure, Chara." He says, letting out a weak smile. "When you're ready, dad's in the living room. He wants to talk to you, privately."

"Thanks, Az." I lean forward, and hug him close, my head over his shoulder. He lets me go, and I walk out the door, feeling a trembling in my bowels that makes it near difficult to walk.

"there's still a chance, kid." the voice says to me again. "just go in there and say you're scared. that's all it'll take." My hand falls on the brass doorknob, freezing cold to the touch. I hold my teeth together. The voice speaks again. "give up, chara, give up." I open the door. It slams against the wall when I open it. Asgore's sitting in a chair, facing me, with another chair facing him. I take a seat, and cross my legs.

"Chara." He says, laying his trident on the floor, gently. "I trust Asriel has told you about the situation?"

"He has." I say.

"He will have asked you, but I must stress-,"

"I'm fine." I say. A rush of adrenaline surges through me. My fingers and toes curl again.

"Very well." He says, looking down at the floor. "I would normally be deliberating, but you must understand that this situation could result in the death of many thousands of innocent lives." He looks dead into my eyes. "Are you sure you want to continue.

"Yes." It's hard not to let my head loll with the chills running up and down my spine.

"As per how it feels to be around him," Asgore goes on, "The doctor is extremely powerful. More so than I am, in fact."

"So what are you suggesting?" I ask. He breathes in, one, two, three, and breathes out.

"You are aware of how souls work, Chara?"

"Explain them to me again?"

"A human soul is far more powerful than that of a monster. As the doctor himself calculated, the entirety of every monster in the underground combined, is equal to that of a single human soul."

"So you're suggesting…"

"Yes, Chara. You and I will have to combat him together." I hear music, building in my head. Goosebumps riddle my arms. I repress a smile. He reaches underneath the chair, and pulls out a brown leather covering, about nineteen inches long, and passes it to me. "Remember what we talked about, those years ago, Chara." I look down at the little bundle, resting in my arms. "Remember that, despite everything, we can still save the doctor." I unwrap the object. It's a knife. A four-inch handle with a fifteen-inch blade. "Are you sure you can do this, Chara?" The smile is irrepressible now. My hands clench into fists, my right around the knife.

"Yes." I say. "Yes I am."


	16. Chapter 16

I stand up, knife in hand. Asgore retrieves his trident from the floor, and plants the rear end in the ground.

"Follow me." He walks out into the corridor, where I follow him closely, pulse rocking through my body. He goes into the Room Under Renovations. I see the coffin lying at the far end. But Asgore turns to the right and faces another sheet of tarpaulin, hanging over something… just as tall as I am. Just as wide, just as thin. "I had wanted to make this reveal a little more… ceremonial," Asgore says, "but given the circumstance, I think it best you have it now." He reaches out a hand, gripping the grey blanket, before pulling it away. Beneath… a gleaming set of golden armour. Just like his, but the right size for me. It lacks a crown, but is almost identical in every other way. The shaking in my body becomes almost uncontrollable. I see Asgore look over at me, our eyes lock. The look on his face… fear, unmistakably. He sighs. "I'd ask if it was to your liking, Chara, but-,"

"It's perfect," I say, walking forward and dismantling the suit of gold from the armour stand. Asgore doesn't say a word as he fastens any straps, any loose ends to make it fit. In five or so minutes, it's all equipped.

"There's no time to look in a mirror now," Asgore says, resting a hand on my shoulder, "But I still need to ask-,"

"I'm fine." I say. I almost feel impatient. "This is necessary, and we'll save lives. Why shouldn't we try?" Asgore towers above me, holding his trident close to him.

"Very well." In that moment, we walk outside the room. Asriel's standing behind me in the corridor. I turn around and look at him. His eyes stare into mine for a moment. Though brief, it starts to feel stretched as I'm near pulled toward the door. Time slows, and in that moment, I see something in his eyes. It isn't the joyfulness I saw when we were young, nor the shyness he's devolved into. His eyebrows are slanted. His smile curved in an infrequent line. His snout crumpled.

"Don't be scared, Az." I say. "I'll come back." Within a second, the moment passes, and the door slams.

"I've since received a call from the core." Asgore says, facing ahead as he and I walk side by side down the garden path. "The doctor is saying that if anyone besides you or I intervene, he'll detonate the core. We normally would take this as a bluff, but considering someone this powerful making an accusation this dangerous, we can't afford to take a risk."

"So you and I have to do this alone?" I ask.

"Exactly. The carriage is waiting for us." Asgore and I clamber inside as the two slimes pulling it vibrate, gently, and lift off taking us soaring over New Home. I look out of the window at the little monsters, walking around, shopping, talking. Almost each and every one looks up and waves. They're cheering. They throw their arms into the air in praise. "Chara!" Asgore thumps me on the back. "Look over here." In the centre of the carriage is a tiny table, with a blueprint laid out on it.

"This is the core?" I ask.

"Yes, and we've been given reports that the doctor has been isolated here-," he says, pointing with a huge finger toward a stretch marked in white lines, between two huge structures, "That's where he'll agree to talk to us."

"But wouldn't it be safer to isolate him somewhere else," I shout over the wind rushing through the windows, "It's a bridge, no handrails or anything, over nothing."

"He's too smart for that. If we try to make any kind of power play, the core's gone, and everyone in Hotland will die." He looks at me, his hair hanging down and obscuring his eyes. "You and I are going to face him, Chara. He will attack us, for sure. But, I believe we can convince him to see reason."

"What use is there in that?" I feel my rush of adrenaline vanishing. "He's dangerous, reasoning with him only risks more lives."

"But the doctor is the greatest scientist that the underground has ever had. We can't risk him, for any reason."

"And if we convince him," I ask, reaching out and taking hold of Asgore's horn with my right hand, "What then? He's insane. His mind is gone. We can't afford to take risks with him." He shakes his head to the right, and I'm flung across the carriage, landing on the other side. Asgore looks down at me, trident hanging by his side.

"I am running this operation," he says, "and I can't bear to tell you any more times, Chara." He sweeps his hair out from behind his eyes. "You were always difficult. But just now, when so much is there to lose. Do as I say." I look at the floor.

"Sure."

The carriage slows to a halt.

"We're here." He brings his trident up and masks it under his cloak. "You should sheathe your knife, too. We are here for peace, nothing more." I do so, slotting it in the golden scabbard at my waste. Walking through the colourful MTT resort, it doesn't seem used to being empty. When we walk inside, there's no sound. No hurried customers walking around, no staff serving burgers, no overpriced food. It's empty. Asgore and I say nothing. He walks around the left sound of the fountain, and I take the right. I turn to my right.

"you could still run." The skeleton says. I face forward again. His voice seems screamed in my ears. "so why are you still trying?" Closer still. "why aren't you running?" Louder. "you heard what i said." Louder. "you heard what i said i'd do." Louder. "so why?" Louder. "why are you still going?" Louder. "nothing good will come of this." Louder. "if you walk through that door," Louder, enough to burst my eardrums and send the skin and blood scattering across the lobby, "more than just the doctor will die." I turn, and look dead into his black, empty eyes.

"Thank you." I blink, and he's gone. Smirking, I turn back toward the exit.

"Chara-," Asgore's arm goes out and shoves me toward the floor," Duck!" Asgore and I tumble onto the ground before-

 _Bwa-_

All sound cuts out. There's no noise. No sound of breathing, no nothing. Until-

 _KWOOM._

A beam of effervescent white light shines through the exit a mere three feet from Asgore, passing directly through where he stood before.

"So, hah," the doctor's voice rasps from beyond the door, "You two finally decided to come, to heed my warning, ah hah!" Asgore and I clamber to our feet, where he holds his trident in front of him. The door is just a circular hole, burned through the glass that was there before. Through it, I can see the doctor, standing deadly composed in the centre of the bridge. Hands behind his back, wearing a black coat waving in the wind. Behind him… something I can barely describe. A skull, but more like that of a dog, floating behind him, eyes blue, teeth deadly sharp.

"Doctor," Asgore says, "What's caused this?"

"C-call me by my name, Asgore Dreemurr!" Gaster calls. Neither of us dare to move. Asgore clears his throat.

"Dr. W.D Gaster," he says, "As your employer, king of monsters, and as your friend, I ask that you come inside, put away your weapons, and stand down." No answer.

"Should we-,"

"Wah hah hah hah!" He screams from outside, "Y-you think you're above me don't you, Asgore? You think that just by using those big words of yours, you can convince me to put away my pride. To stow my ideals."

"Your pride would be retained if you would just stand down, for a moment, Gaster."

"No. N-not after everything she… that thing has done!" Asgore leans down and whispers in my ear,

"Start walking, slowly." I do so. "Keep your weapon sheathed." As we approach, the doctor turns to look at his amalgamate creature.

"Do you like him?" He asks. "He's my pet."

"Don't answer." Asgore whispers to me again. I see Gaster's face contort, before he waves his arm down towards us, and the skull floats forward according to his command. It faces down on Asgore, it's blue eyes blaring like streetlamps ready to burst.

"Do, not, talk amongst yourselves," the doctor says, shakily, almost through gritted teeth, "If I see a word come out of either of your mouths," He looks up at the dog skull, and his black, inky mouth curves further upward.

 _Bwa-_

A white light builds inside the creature's mouth,

 _KWOOM._

The beam erupts from between its teeth, shattering the bridge between me and the resort. Suspended on near nothingness, the bridge holds with one exit, straight through the doctor himself.

"Now listen," he says, holding his hand out toward us, "To me."

"Drop your weapon." I say, loudly, to Asgore. He heeds. It seems Gaster hasn't noticed my sheathed knife.

"Now," he says, "I want you-," he points at me, and the skull hovers in front of me, eyeing me, hungering, "To repeat after me." Pause. "Nod," he shouts, "if you understand." I nod, clearly. "Good… say back to me, the following." I nod clearly again. "I am not worth my father's name."

"Chara-," Asgore blurts out, but the dog skull turns to face him,

"I am not worth my father's name." I say.

"I am not one of those who dwell underground," the Doctor goes on, and I reciprocate,

"I am not one of those who dwell underground." He smiles even more piercingly.

"And therefore-,"

"And therefore-,"

"I must return to the surface-,"

"I must return to the surface-," I turn to look at Asgore, and mouth the words, 'Run.'

"I must die." Silence. The skull zooms towards me, gnashing its monstrous teeth, "SAY THE WORDS," he screams, "CHARA, SAY THE WORDS." I pause. Looking up at the skull, gazing into my eyes with its glimmering blue ones. Huge, circular nostrils beneath them.

 _Bwa-_

I draw my knife and grab onto the nostril of the skull, pulling myself on top of it.

 _KWOOM._

The beam passes over Asgore's head and burns another hold in the resort.

"What-," The doctor cries out. I plunge my knife into the roof of the skull, as it starts rolling back and forth trying to thrown me off. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The skull rolls toward Gaster, as it slants toward the floor. Pulling my knife out, I roll onto the floor behind him, as the blaster charges again.

 _Bwa-_

"No, stop!" The doctor cries out,

 _KWOOM._

A hole in the bridge is burned, trapping the doctor and I together on his side. I see the blue energy in the skull's eyes start to fade.

"Don't you-," the energy vanishes, and it falls as two bones, the roof and lower jaw, into the abyss below. "YOU FOOL!" He screams at me, running forward, swiping with his hands. Arching my back and ducking beneath his first strike, I drive the knife into his arm. "Gah-," He takes his arm in his other hand, cradling it as dust tumbles onto the metal beneath us. "What did you do?" He rasps. Bouncing on the balls of my feet, blade in one hand, I smile.

"Didn't say the words." Letting out a scream, the doctor lunges for me again, pulling a pocket knife out from his coat.

"Take one step forward and I'll-," I drive my blade against his arm and flick the knife out of his hand, where it flies through the air and lands on the floor. I can't see the doctor's teeth, but I can feel them gritting. Asgore looks me dead in the eyes from across the bridge. The energy starts to make my stomach bubble again. The doctor runs forward, tackling me to the ground where he sits on top of me, putting his thumbs into my eyes,

"DOCTOR!" I hear Asgore scream from across the bridge, "LET HER GO!"

"NEVER!" He calls out, leaning down as he plunges his fingers into my eyes, "I'll never let another human push us away again!" I feel blood start to pour from behind my eyes. "Just a little longer…" he says, shakily, "Heh heh hah!" His nails are long, and sharp. "Say the words, Chara," He screams into my ear, "And this is all over!"

I hear a voice in my head. "Chara." It says. Calm. Warm. Friendly. High pitched. "Stay determined." I feel my lips curving up into a smile. Adrenaline surges through my body.

I force my way up, throwing the doctor off of me, as he lands on his back a few feet away. Blood dripping from my eyes, I draw my blade, and walk toward him.

"No-," He says, pulling out a handgun with his unwounded arm, "I can't let a filthy human just take-,"

"Filthy…" I say, licking my lips. Tasting the words as they mingle with the blood flowing in rivers down my cheeks. "Despicable." I see his finger pulling on the trigger, and dash to the left, the bullet soaring past and grazing my cheekbone. He goes to cock the gun and fire it again, but I lunge forward, and force the blade through his arm. I hear the crunch, and the sand-like shimmer as the doctor's arm falls away and collapses into dust. He stares down at his arm in disbelief.

"H-h-h-how, how did you-,"

"CHARA!" Asgore bellows from across the bridge, "STAND DOWN, NOW." I look down at the doctor. I look back at Asgore. I look down at the doctor, then back at Asgore. The doctor barely seems to know I'm here. I kick him in the chest, and he tumbles backwards toward the edge. "NO!" Asgore calls after me. His voice is getting quiet, quieter, yet quieter with every time he shouts. I kick the doctor again, as he rolls back, falling just over the edge. His remaining arm catches the edge just as he tumbles over.

"I… I…"

"What?" I ask.

"I've changed my mind." He says. "I… I don't, th-think humans deserve such hatred. Not like this."

"You're serious?" I ask, kneeling down to look at his course, white hands, clinging onto the sheets of golden metal worse than butter to a frying pan.

"Y-y-yes!" He says, "I've revaluated everything! Please!" I don't say anything. His breathing speeds up, I can feel his heartbeat thumping through the metal on the bridge. "Humans… I thought wrong of them." He says. "So…" inky black liquid starts pouring out of his eyes, "Please, just help me up." I smile down at him.

"It's okay, doctor." I walk forward, lean down, and press my face into his. "I hate humanity, too." I stamp on his fingers with my gleaming golden boots. His bones crunch under the weight, dust pours out from behind my shoes… and he falls, fingerless, into the abyss.

"Ch-Chara…" Asgore says, listlessly. I turn to stare dead into his eyes.

"I won."


	17. Chapter 17

The stinging behind my eyes burns, almost brightly, like the sun. Blood pours out in snaking rivers, drying and encrusting on my skin. Asgore helps me over the bridge, saying nothing. Trident in hand, he walks me back to the carriage, which lifts off. Or, at least, I can't hear him saying anything. His lips are moving, he's frantically looking around, it seems as though he should be talking, but all I can hear is a thump, pulsing around my body, through my arms, in rings through my head. Whump, whump. Asgore carries me down the garden path, frantically pounding the ground with his feet. Whump, whump. He lays me down on Toriel's bed, I see her crying, laying her hands on my chest, and then a feeling of warmth courses toward my eyes, the pain rushing away, in pulses. Whump, whump. The thumping fades, there's a ringing sound, whirling in my ears. Then-,

"Asgore said there was nothing you could do." The noise cuts out. I'm lying in Toriel's bed, covers up to my neck. Toriel herself is sitting in a chair, next to me. "Chara?" She asks, "Can you hear me?" I blink. My eyes still feel slightly sore, but nothing compared to the fingers of Doctor Gaster impaling them as they had been before.

"G-," My throat stings, too.

"Don't talk if it bothers you," she says, "Take your time."

"I-," I blurt out, "I don't need… time, Toriel, where-,"

"Shhh," she says, fetching a mug of tea from the side table, "Try to drink this." She holds a hand behind my head, propping it up, and helping the tea into my mouth. It's just the right temperature. Not too hot or cold, the right amount of sugar and milk. My throat hurts when I swallow, but not enough to mask how much the tea helps to soothe. She takes away the mug. "Try to talk, if you feel able."

"Where is," I hack a violent cough, "Where is Asriel?"

"He…" Toriel says, looking over at the door, "Is in your room, we said he should stay there, at least until-,"

"Send him in." I say, "I want to see him."

"My child-," she says, sounding concerned, "Are you sure you don't want to rest-,"

"I want to see him, please-," I cough up a thick blob of mucus that lands on the bedclothes. Toriel leans over with a stack of kitchen roll and cleans it up. "Please, I want to see him." She sighs.

"Very well." She sets the tea down and gets up, walking outside, making sure to turn and make sure I'm okay before she leaves. I look up at the ceiling. I hear Asriel's voice and hers from outside.

"How is she?"

"Now, Asriel-,"

"I'm going in."

"Asriel, please-," the door opens. Asriel runs across the room toward me, Toriel standing at the door, arms by her sides.

"Asriel," I croak, as he kneels down by the side of the bed, putting his arms around me and pulling me close. I hear the door close.

"Oh my God…" He says, tightening his grip, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't've-,"

"Az, Az," I say, "It's fine, I'm fine."

"Dad said you got hurt, he went for your eyes-,"

"And I'm fine. I can see you." As he leans back, his hands draped over my body, I pull an arm out from beneath the covers, and run my hand through the fur on his face. "I'm fine." He seems to break down in an awkward fit of crying and laughing, going back in and hugging me closer.

"I'm…" He splutters, "I'm just… God, I don't…"

"Shh, Az, it's alright." He sounds like he's about to calm down, a touch.

"I sound like a kid, don't I, Chara?" Flashes of the battle coarse across my face, I feel my chest writhing.

"Can…" I say, smiling, painfully, "Can I tell you something, Az?" He leans back, clambering onto the bed and sitting, just next to my hips. I push against the bedclothes, and sit up, propping the pillows up behind me.

"Sure, talk to me."

"You…" I say, laughing, "You remember… how long ago was it? When we went to Hotland together?"

"Just Yesterday."

"Right, well, remember we talked about… the kid?"

"Yeah?"

"And… how I said it felt… good, to kill him?"

"What are you saying?" I swallow, deeply.

"Dad… dad must have told you what happened."

"He said the doctor jumped to his death, after-,"

"Well," I say, looking up at the ceiling as my throat burns, "That's not what happened."

"What-,"

"I killed him." I say. He stares at me, his eyes wide. His mouth a crumpled mess, curving up and down without subsequence. "And it felt so, so wonderful. Like we were kids, playing together again." He can barely speak. "Az-," He rushes in and hugs me again, wrapping his arms around me, tucking his head to rest on my shoulder. I rest my hands on his back, running the thumb of my right hand around his shoulder blades in a circular motion, once every two seconds or so…

My eyes start to close…

There's a redness in the corner of my eyes, low, dull, like crimson. I look down, and Asriel's there, shirtless. He's well built, his mouth near my crotch. He climbs on top of me, holding my upper arms with his claws. He starts kissing my neck, holding me down, tightly. He looks up, gazing into my eyes, running his tongue over his glistening, white, teeth.

"Chara?" Asriel looks down at me. I open my eyes. The redness fades, Asriel's still there, hugging me closely. "You're sweating, is everything okay?" I look into his eyes again.

"Y-," I say, flashes of my dream darting past my eyes. I feel sensation in my lower body, but I try to ignore it. "Yes, I'm alright." He lets his arms down. He looks troubled. He might've had the same dream.

"I should go." He says. I can't say anything. "You should rest. Just…" He stands up, looking down into my eyes, ready to say something. He turns and leaves. As he opens the door, he turns again and looks at me again, our eyes locking for a moment, before he closes the door, gently. I lie back, staring at the ceiling. I guess it was dumb to think this wouldn't happen eventually. As odd as it might seem, I'm still not surprised. Reading about it for so long, hearing about it in song, seeing it in movies. I never thought it'd manifest now. And not for him.

My birthday's tomorrow. Sixteen years alive, seven under the mountain. Two dead by my hands, and a family torn over me. I snicker. What fun dying is.


	18. Chapter 18

"Are you awake?" I sit, bolt upright in my bed. The room's dark, no lights are on, and it's strangely cold. Asgore's sitting next to me in a tiny wooden chair. "Well," he says, "I can see that now." He pulls a golden pocket watch out from under his cloak. He shows it to me, reading, '3:50'. He chuckles. "Happy birthday, Chara."

"Thanks, Asgore." I say, quietly, my throat still sore. He doesn't look at me, nor acknowledge what I said. He's just staring at the door, hands mashed together, fingers interlocking, thumbs twirling.

"It's ironic." He says.

"What is?"

"The monsters see you as a hero." His chest expands as I feel the air around me grow colder, before it warms again as his ribs depress. "They look at you and they see a person who disregarded the pretences of their people and sought out the race they banished, only to be raised by their king." He blinks. "And not only that, but you, supposedly, tried to help the only one who opposed you, and of course, his untimely death wasn't your fault, was it?" He looks into my eyes, his orange irises dulling in the darkness. "And only you, Asriel and I will ever know."

"Asriel doesn't-,"

"Don't play dumb, Chara." His hair falls to obscure his eyes. "I know what you did." My breathing starts to quicken. I bite my lower lip, edging back on the bed. "And now, the world wants to see you. They want to bear witness to the first human to ever come down and befriend the monsters." He breathes heavily again, almost violently, like blades caught in his throat impaled the skin with every breath. "It hurts me so much to say this, Chara." Whump, whump. "But after seven years of caring for you, you're nothing more than a cold-blooded killer."

Ringing silence burns.

"Well," he says, "I have a party to plan. I shall see you this evening." He picks up his trident, and marches out the door, closing it gently behind him. I lean back, resting my head on the pillows. Strangely, I fall asleep very quickly. I almost can't remember a thing he said…

Lighten up, Chara. Today's a day you can spend in whatever way you want. Be whatever, do whatever. Forget about yesterday. As far as anyone else knows, nothing happened. Nothing at all.

"Asriel?"

"Yeah, mom?"

"It's all ready, isn't it?"

"Uh… yeah, as far as I can see, all ready." Hurried footsteps from outside trying not to creak as they rush past my door. Oh dear. Lazily, I start fumbling around under the bedclothes trying to find my way out. I stand up, and traipse toward the door, yawning.

"Okay, you two-," I muster, "What's the surprise?" No answer. Huh. I open the door to the lobby and the stairwell, they aren't there either. Huh. Then, I press my ear to the door to the kitchen, and hear the familiar sounds of a guitar strumming. Heh. I push the door open.

"Good morning!" Asriel says from the other side of the table, Toriel sitting on the seat closest to me, leaving the wide middle me. The stereo is in the corner playing the destroyed David Bowie CD that can barely string three notes without vanishing into the great unknown along with its namesake.

"Jesus, you guys-," I say, rubbing sleep from my eyes, "All this just-,"

"Please," Toriel says, gesturing to the empty seat, "Please, sit down and eat."

"Oh there's not-," I peek over her head and see a birthday cake in the middle of the table, sixteen candles around the edge, my name scrawled in red icing on the surface of white. "A cake." Asriel smiles at me.

"Old habits die hard, huh?" He says, chuckling.

"That they do." I nod, sitting down and staring longingly into the mesh of sponge, icing and fire laid out before me. There's a knife lying next to it, but I think Asriel might've caught on to my dastardly plan before I could even move. He and Toriel exchange a glance.

"Chara." She says. I turn, looking her in the eyes and smiling till it hurts, daring not to blink,

"Yes, Toriel?" I ask, sarcasm dripping.

"Typically, before we cut the cake," she says, "There's a song that it's traditional to sing, if you wouldn't-," I'm hungry though.

"Nah." I say, taking the cake and plunging the knife deep into its bowels, cutting out an infrequent chunk and shoving it into my mouth. I see Asriel covering his face with a hand, laughing through his teeth. "Wan' some?" I say, my words muffled by the mountain of cake blocking my windpipe.

"I'll pass." He says. My face scrunches up as I force the rest down my gullet,

"Coward." I say, cutting a slice and putting it on his plate, "Eat up."

"Fine!" He says, taking a chunk of the cake in his fist and eating it, "Shee?" He says through the blob, "Delicious!" We both look over at Toriel. She looks like she's just been shot. Then, her face softens, and she helps herself to a slice as we continue wolfing down the rest of the cake. Once it's finished, I turn to Asriel and ask;

"Any reason Asgore's not home?"

"Dad?" He asks, "Oh, he went out. Said he had," Asriel makes air quotation marks, "business to attend to, so I doubt he'll be back for a while."

"I don't mind." I say. "He's a busy man. Monster. Goat thing. What?"

"What?" We look into each other's eyes for a moment before bursting out laughing again, remnants of a once proud cake scattering across the once pristine home. Toriel seems desperate to calm us down,

"Now, now, please, listen up." She says.

"Aye aye." I say, saluting. Toriel looks genuinely furious. "I'll stop." She sighs.

"Now, Chara, as the monsters have now become somewhat more aware of your existence, Asgore and I thought it would be a good idea for your sixteenth birthday, that we host a celebration in your honour, with every monster in the underground invited.

"You aren't serious?" I ask.

"I'm afraid we are." She says. "Regardless of whether you like it or not, this means a lot to Asgore and I." The thought is just barely sinking in. Every monster in the underground, invited to meet me, wanting, longing, even, just to shake and kiss my hand. I think back to sitting in my dad's lonely shop, no one recognizing me, or being beaten up the few rare times they did.

"Heh…" I exhale,

"Is something the matter?" Toriel asks,

"Chara?" Asriel says, looking concerned.

"Heheheheh." I laugh, "Thank you." Toriel looks relieved.

"And considering you look more like a homeless boy than a woman right now,"

"I am offended!" I shout, "I feel oppressed! Asriel," I say, turning to him, "Defend my femininity."

"She's right." He says.

"You bitch!" I yell at him.

"Both of you be quiet!" Toriel says, masking a laugh of her own, "But on a more serious note, for an event this prestigious, you need to look as though you want to be there." I nod my head slowly,

"So…?"

"So," she finally goes on, "Asgore and I hired a stylist for you. He'll be arriving in… ten minutes."

"Ah." I say. "No. Okay. I get it. Uh…" I look over at Asriel, "What time is it?"

"Ten?" He responds, meekly.

"Not fifteen minutes after I wake up, I have to be ready for someone to make me look beautiful. Well I can see this is going to be the greatest birthday ever." Toriel laughs.

"Here's a brush." She says. "At least try." She gets up and exits, leaving Asriel and I alone as I run the thick bristles through my unkempt greasy hair. Asriel catches my eye. I swallow.

"So." He says. There's a knock at the door. My heart leaps as I bounce out of my chair, running to the door and pulling it open. Toriel's standing next to… a ghost, is the only way I feel able to describe the creature. Shaped like a kettle without a spout, it's got a pink hue, and a tiny ghostly fringe hanging over one eye.

"Oh!" It says, "You must be Chara!"

"Um-,"

"Oh, your mother's told me so much about you,"

"Well, mother subjectivel-,"

"Come, come, we mustn't tarry!" It reaches out a ghostly hand and takes me by the arm, dragging me away.

"Good luck!" Toriel calls after me, as Asriel looks on from behind me.

"Well now," the ghost says as it guides me into my room, sits me in front of the mirror and places a pristine white-gold sheet around my neck, covering me from there downward, "My name is Hapstablook, a pleasure." I decide not to shake his hand. "So, what are we looking for today," he asks, "Something long? Something bold, something dashing? Something meek, or tender, like a snowdrop lost in a hailstorm…"

"I'd like," I say, before Hapstablook gets lost in a flurry of emotion, "Something long."

"Don't say another word!" The ghost says, before growing a pair of hands from its blob-like body and running them down my short masculine hair, and in the mirror I see it growing, an inch per second at least. It reaches my waist, two strands over my chest and one long flowing down my back. "Any other requests? Shall we go darker? Lighter?" I snicker.

"Let's go darker."

"Oh, marvellous."

"Red, dark red." I say, turning to face the ghost.

"I like it." The ghost's arms reform into a bottle with a red liquid glowing on the inside, as it pours over my hair, turning it into a burning crimson, reflecting the light in the mirror with the intensity of the sun, if not more. "You look simply beautiful, darling." I get up and start twirling, playing with my new hair.

"It's perfect," I say, giggling almost uncontrollably, "Just perfect."

"You don't want any product?" Hapstablook opines, their body stretching into a myriad of shapes resembling bizarre otherworldly hair-care products. I see a longing in his eyes.

"I'll pass." He sighs.

"Very well." He flicks his ghostly ectoplasmic hair. "Now, it is time to work on your dress!" I cover my mouth and giggle a little more.

"Okay." I say, "What did you have in mind?"

"People tend to find something that compliments your hair works superbly well, brings out the colour, darling."

"You sure?" I ask, "Maybe I should go in a bright green dress to throw them off." We look at each other for a second, and burst out laughing.

"Oh you are silly," Hapstablook opines, "But in total honesty, like, for real, what colour speaks to you? Tell me from the darkest corners of your desire, how do you wish to look?"

"Let's go red again." I say, "Lighter this time."

"Excellent!" Hapstablook floats into the centre of the room, and produces a strange body-shaped blob from its lower end. As it grows, it begins to refine its shape, gaining colour, texture, shine, brilliance. The ghost holds out a long, sleek, dazzlingly red dress.

"Let's add a slit up one side."

"Oh," he says, giggling, "Scandalous, I like it!" A fine tearing sound, like scissors gliding through wrapping paper, before the ghost hands me the dress. "Show me." He says.

"You gonna give me some privacy first?" The ghost seems lost in an artistic fantasy.

"Oh!" He says, "Yes, of course!" He floats through the door, muttering anxieties to himself. I start to undress, putting the dress as gently as I can over my head, letting it fall down and cover me. It's a perfect fit, to the point. The waist, hips, everything. I push out my right leg and see it open the slit in the side. Hee hee.

"You can come in now!" I call to the ghost, who floats back through the door. His little gooey eyes seemed to glow, twist and bubble as he saw me.

"My God, it's even better than I envisioned." He says.

"Well," I say, "You did make the dress."

"I know!" He says, "I should give myself more credit." I giggle under my breath. There's a knock at the door.

"Chara?" I hear Asriel say from outside. I turn to Hapstablook and press a finger to my lips. He nods. I saunter over to the door, slowly, place my hand on the doorknob, and ease the door open, ever so slowly.

"Didn't mom ever tell you," I say, in a low, sultry voice, "Not to knock on a girl's door when she's getting changed?" I bat my eyes, making sure the door's only wide enough that he can see my eye and that alone.

"Guh-," He says, flustered, his cheeks burning through his fur, "I didn't-,"

"So…" I say, keeping poise, "Let me ask you…" He swallows.

"Yeah?" I rear back, filling my lungs with air,

"THEN WHY DID YOU EVEN TRY?"

"OH MY GOD!" He screams, scarpering down the corridor followed by a stream of "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry"

I look over at Hapstablook as we both descend into fits of laughter.

"Oh, Darling," he says, "You are quite the comedian, but nonetheless, there is still a long way to go. We still have makeup, nails, gloves, you're still very unprepared for the day ahead." I sit back in the chair.

"Don't keep me waiting then, darling." I say, mimicking his voice.

"How long has it been?" I ask. Hapstablook's ghostly arms form a strange gooey pocket watch, that he reads and says,

"An hour, give or take." I would hit my head on the table if it wouldn't negate an hour's worth of careful artisan makeup application. The person in the mirror is someone I can barely describe as being me. Her lips make her look like she had just killed a small animal with her bare hands and is now feasting on its delicious flesh. Her eyes seem way too big. Hapstablook seems ecstatic though.

"Am I ready?"

"Just a moment-," The ghost weaves its way around me, painting the last dabbles of bright pink blush onto my cheeks and refining my already perfectly straight eyeliner, droning on about his other friend who barely talks to him or whatever. "Okay, and-," a last flick of the tiny brush across my eyes, "Done! Take a look." Looking in the mirror, although I can barely recognize who I am, it feels strangely good to look so different. But either way, it's hardly about what I want. It's about the strangers who'll be attending my party tonight.

"I love it."

"Of course you do," Hapstablook whines, "You're always more beautiful being dolled up, darling." I put my hand on the back of my chair, gradually finding my way to my feet. My heels make that nigh impossible, but gently as she goes… I walk over to the door, go to open it… then decide to practice a little more, walking around the room until I feel as though I can travel in these things without breaking a hip. I breathe out, slowly. Then breathe in again, in gentle sips, in, out, stay calm, Chara, stay calm, in, out. Breathe. Hoo. Okay. I open the door. The creak sounds deafeningly loud. A chair scrapes in the kitchen. Breathe, Chara. The door at the end of the corridor is still closed. Walk, calmly now. As I start walking, my legs brushing against the silk of the dress softer than a bed of feathers, I can't think why I'm so afraid, or why my stomach is buzzing like this. I remember my dream. Asriel's body next to mine. My heart pounding against my chest, I go to the door. Breathe, Chara. Breathe.

"H-hey, Asriel." I say, standing in the doorway, as he stands in the one opposite. He's wearing a long, coat-tail suit, black tie with a white shirt. The shirt is a tight fit, but it works.

"Chara-," he says, and as I look at his fur it seems as though his red cheeks shine through the ocean of white.

"Hey." I walk over, and curiously my heels decide not to betray me. Yet.

"Mom and dad already said I'd be your VIP for the party, and, traditionally," he says, "That means we have to hold hands on the way there." I exhale a short breath. Goosebumps riddle my arms.

"Okay."

"The carriage is waiting outside, Chara, but we've got plenty of time to-,"

"No," I say, biting my lower lip, and feeling my heart pound faster, "I'm ready."


	19. Chapter 19

Walking to the carriage feels nothing but exciting. I can't escape the feeling that I should be scared, nervous, or whatever. Normal people should be, especially when they're about to meet more people than I've ever seen before, dressed as I am, holding hands with my friend of seven years who I'm starting to feel things for. Thinking about all this makes me breathe heavier.

"Is something wrong?" Asriel asks, one hand on the door of the carriage and the other holding mine, tenderly. I look at him with raised eyebrows.

"You kidding?" I ask. He smirks, climbs into the carriage, then extends a hand to help me inside. I nearly go to walk normally inside, but my long silken dress means I have to walk like a girl on stilts. Hitching up my dress with one hand, I accept his help and rise into the carriage, taking a seat opposite him. I hear the crack of reins before the carriage slowly levitates off the ground, like water rising in a weir. I'm not so interested in the outside so as to want to look over New Home and the rest of the underground as I would normally, but Asriel seems to want to. Even though he's lived here longer than I have. If anything he seems intent on staring out of the window. I snap my fingers.

"What?" He sounds startled, like he's almost about to leap from the window.

"You feeling okay, Az?" He turns back and looks at me, trying not to make eye contact. "Hey," I say, hitching up my dress and walking over, sitting next to him, "What's up, Az?" He shakes his head.

"It's nothing, I shouldn't-,"

"Hey," I say, "This is as much your day as it is mine."

"No-,"

"Hey, Asriel." I reach down and grip him by the hand, tightly. "Tell me what's bothering you. I'm your best friend. I can help." He exhales almost so as to breathe fire.

"It's just-," He says, and then coughs, looking back out the window, away from me this time, "I've never seen you like this before." I feel like I want to crack a joke, but I stay silent. "We've pretty much been kids all our lives, haven't we?" I giggle, a little. "But seeing you all made up, that dress, the hair… I mean, we're still us, but we've grown up." I reach out a hand, and run it gently through the fur on his neck.

"Hey, look at me." He turns and looks me in the eyes, although reluctantly. "Forget about all that, okay?" He nods, slowly. "We're here to kiss up to a bunch of asshole nobles, and then go out and have fun, together. Like we used to." Again, he nods. "It hasn't been easy for me either, you know that." Nod. "But right now, you don't have to worry." Nod. "Because tonight, we can forget everything." Nod. "All our worries, all our fears." Nod. "Just you, me, and nothing else." Nod. "Let it go." He laughs, almost like he's wheezing rather than enjoying himself.

"Thank you." He says. I look up at him. I place my hands behind his head and pull him in close, where our foreheads and noses touch. We hold there for a time I can barely count, before I look out of the window, and see a place I've never been before. We must be here. I lower my right hand and punch him on the shoulder.

"Hey!"

"We're here." He looks out the window.

"Huh, so we are." I can see him trying to repress a smile.

"You're the VIP guy, shouldn't you know this stuff?" He snorts at me.

"It's more of a ceremonial position-,"

"Hold that thought." I walk over to the edge of the carriage, pressing down on the windowsill and peering out. "Catch me if I fall out." I turn around and say. He gives me an approving thumbs up. Looking back out, the sight I can see is something I can barely imagine never having seen before. Surrounded by green meadows growing despite a lack of sunlight, a golden palace, encased in a ring of golden fencing. A ring of molten lava spewing from the space outside, with mirrors reflecting its effervescent glow onto the gleaming towers, snaking toward the roof of the colossal underground itself. Asriel leans out with me, keeping a claw firmly jutted in the side of the window.

"So this is mine for tonight?" I turn and ask him.

"Yep."

"HAHA!" I throw myself back into the carriage and land on my back, on the floor. "Amazing!" Asriel looks down at me. First, disconcertingly. Then he jumps down and lands by my side, putting his hands behind his head.

"I don't know why I was worried." He says. "You're still as childish as ever."

"Shut up." We lie on the floor together until a smooth bump tells us we've landed… somewhere. I lean up and look out the door. Oh no.

"Shit." Asriel says from behind me. "I think falling on the floor wasn't a terribly good idea." The carriage has landed on a gleaming red carpet. The carpet is lying on a cobblestone courtyard. In that courtyard are no less than… one, two… twelve hundred monsters. "Okay." Asriel whispers, "Fix your hair, and get up, slowly. I don't think they've noticed."

"Someone will have noticed."

"Just do it."

"Fine!" I adjust my hair so it falls neatly down my front and back again, check my dress, then turn to Asriel. "Okay." I say. "On three."

"One."

"Two."

"Three." We get up. The monsters peer inside. Asriel hops out of the carriage, and extends a hand to help me down. He lends me a subtle wink. I extend the leg under the slit half of the dress, and help my way down. Standing on the carpet, the monsters from around the courtyard stare at me, in near silence. Then-

"HOORAY!" They throw their arms into the air and cheer, however many belonged to each body, in a wild array of colours, shapes, materials, whatever.

"This way." Asriel keeps hold of my hand and guides me along the carpet toward the palace, as the slimes jettison away leaving a puddle of gelatinous slime behind. Walking toward the palace together, Asriel makes sure to go slowly. "Wave," he whispers, "They love you." I look around, and start waving back. The raucous applause and cheering escalates, getting louder and louder with every flick of my wrist.

"I could get used to this." I say, gripping Asriel's hand a little tighter.

"I dread to think what you'd do with this kinda control all the time."

"Oh you know me so well." Walking up the carpet, we reach a set of steps, leading toward a gleaming golden arch with flags bearing two giant horn on each. Inside, two huge staircases winding around a cylindrical room with a huge red carpet adorning the centre. There are people already inside, talking in groups. They seem to be dressed in suits, tailcoats and monocles suited to whatever their bizarre bone structure requires.

"Okay," Asriel whispers, "These are some very important people who will most likely make dad's life very difficult if they get offended by anything." I scoff at him.

"Just what are you suggesting?" He squeezes my hand.

"You know." He gestures to the nearest group, "That is the Mayor of Hotland, who also happens to own an oil company. If he falls out with dad, dad will probably kill us both."

"I get it," I say, closing my eyes and sounding confident, "I get it Az, suck up to some rich guys, got it."

"I hope they didn't hear that." He says, slowly walking with me toward the group. The tall, armless man in a tailcoat without any sleeves to match, wearing two monocles on each of his seven eyes leans down as I approach.

"My my," He says, his voice coming from an orifice I don't think I could find if given a microscope, "So this is the fallen child Asgore spoke so fondly of." I curtsey.

"Pleased to meet you." I say, holding back the vomit that'd come from being such a kiss ass.

"And I," he says, his entourage of eyes scanning me, "Am pleased to make your acquaintance also." I glance over at the entrance as the crowd from outside begin filing in. A band appears at the head of the two stairwells. "Ah," he exclaims, "The ball is just starting," before he turns to Asriel, "May I have her to dance." Asriel nods, releases my hand, bows, and walks away to socialise with other guests. As the music starts, the monster uses the stalks on its eyes as makeshift arms so as to allow us to waltz to the slow moving violin played in the background.

"I'll admit," I say, "The biology behind the monsters and their genetics is very fascinating."

"Oh?"

"I mean, uh," I say, quickly realising I had no idea what I was talking about, "The range and type of monsters you see is far wider than anything humans have."

"Oh yes, well, that's something that's sort of taken for granted down here-," He boasts, acting as though I've haven't been down here for seven years now. "But enough chit chat about me, let's talk about you and your little adventure in the core."

"Oh, that?" I ask, letting him tuck me under his eye and spin me around as the pace in the music changes, "Well, what else is there to say?"

"Everything, my dear," he goes on, "There's so much to tell I barely know where to begin asking questions." I feel a sharp jab in my stomach as the want to cut this conversation off intervenes.

"I'll tell you, sir," I say, and see his eyes perk up, "What happened between myself and the doctor was as simple as the king would have told it."

"So he just jumped? Lickety split?"

"…Yes." There's a halt in conversation as he recollects his thoughts.

"I was told there was an operation, planning, strategic advances that were put in place, I heard that he finally unveiled his ultimate weapon, the 'Gaster Blasters' we called them." He giggles.

"All I can tell you," I say, through gritted teeth, "Is what my father's told you." He sighs.

"Very well." He flexes his eyes so as to shake free from my hands, "I shall talk to some other of my acquaintances." As he flounces off, Asriel walks over and takes me by the hand again.

"I think we should be doing the same."

"Are you serious, Az?"

"Yes! This is a major political event. It isn't just your birthday." I turn and stare directly into his eyes.

"I've got a better idea." I start walking for the stairs, fast, dragging Asriel behind me.

"Hey!" He says under his breath, "What are you doing?"

"Having fun on my birthday," I say, happily, "What else." We climb the stairs together and find our way onto another set of stairs, to the side of the corridor we found at the top, leading up, then around, then up another flight, climbing up and up as fast as we could run. It opens up into a spiral staircase as we run and run to the top. Eventually, we reach a balcony. Staring over the edge onto the green meadows below, I turn to Asriel.

"How about we have some fun?" I ask.

"Chara," he says, "I know you're upset but this is totally out of line-," I lean forward and kiss him on the cheek. He stands, rubbing the patch of fur.

"Come on." I say, turning to explore my birthday palace.


	20. Chapter 20

"I'm telling you," Asriel says, practically tugging on my arm, "This is a very bad idea."

"What are you," I ask, "Shy?"

"Not shy," He says, "I'd like to think I'm the smarter one in this situation." I stop, turn, and look straight in his eyes.

"Asriel. Typically, when it's a girl's sixteenth birthday, you do not call her stupid."

"But her actions may result in very bad things happening to very normal innocent people purely because she thinks it's fun."

"You've got me there." Asriel looks like he wants to keep arguing, but I can see there's an irrepressible smile on his face. I can see him glancing down at his kissed cheek. "Let's at least explore the under slash over belly of this place first." He shrugs.

"I guess that's okay." Behind the balcony is a set of metal bridges, reaching out over the main building. Looking at how the building's lights are made, these walkways are invisible from the ground level.

"Looking at it-," I say, "We can see them, but they can't see us." The dance hall is rife with nobles and common monsters, twirling and waltzing in time to the music, now purely slow and melancholic.

"So what are you saying?" Asriel asks, and as he does, the music stops, to enamoured applause from below. Then, a new chord strikes up. Piano chimes, fast, upbeat. Looking down, the dance hall seems unable to properly react.

"Take a look at this." He and I glance over, watching the nobles awkwardly look at one another as they try to dance to this music so far out of their comfort zone. I glance over at Asriel.

"No-," He says, backing up, "We are not-," I break away from the bridge and take him by the hands.

"May I have this dance?" I ask, as he tries to loosen his grip. He looks up at me, when his expression changes, and it tightens again. Standing up, we start walking along the walkway, my feet move back as his mirror mine, holding hands, the metal clangs sharply as my heels dash over the surface. The music speeds. "Try to keep up." I say, speeding up, taking Asriel and spinning him under my arm. He leans back as I do, holding hands, we support each other's weight in the dance. We lean back up, as he presses his hand to my back, we start spinning and stepping in time to the music.

"You managing in those heels?" He asks.

"You underestimate my powe-," I stumble back on them, Asriel reaches out and keeps hold of me.

"Don't worry," He says, "I got you." He pulls me back in close, and we start stepping in time to the music again. It starts to build, more instruments rocking in and out of the symphony. We start turning faster, using our arms to separate and come back toward one another faster. Then, as the music reaches his peak, I look into his eyes as we dance. I can't say how, but we unanimously agree to end on something… dangerous. Lining up with the handrail on the walkway, Asriel and I move away from one another, my waist hits the barrier, and holding his hand, my torso slips over, as I move my right leg up through the slit and rest it on his shoulder. The music dies down. Asriel goes to pull me up.

"No-," I call back. "Give me a moment." His grip stays strong. Looking down over the dance hall, I can see all of the attendees sweating and shaking, patting each other on the back for having got to the end of the song. They're sharing food at a bar nearby, as the band flicks through the sheets to find their newest song. I strain my neck to look back up at Asriel. His hand is remarkably dry and strong. He looks down at me with a face that reassures me that he could hold me there forever. "Okay." I say, my arm starting to strain, "Pull me up." With his right arm, Asriel pulls me gently back onto the ledge. Asriel pulls me in close, and I rest my head on his shoulder, gently. He brings up his arm and places it on my back, running his thumb over my shoulder blades in a gentle circular motion, once every few seconds or so.

"You feeling okay?" He asks. I exhale.

"Pretty good," I answer, "Yeah…" We hold there for a long while, holding one another without a word. Then, I feel a strange tingling in my gut. When coming up here at first I recall wanting to run amock, doing anything I could to make this party a disaster for anyone but me, but now, holding Asriel like this, I feel a want just to… "Hey, Asriel?" I ask.

"Yeah, Chara?"

"Why don't we go back to the balcony," I say, "You know, the one outside?" He lets out a short breath.

"Sure." We walk together, side by side, before we sit together on the golden balcony hundreds of feet above the ground. We both go the edge, leaning over and resting our elbows on the handrail.

"Truth is, Asriel," I say, looking out onto the rolling planes below, "To say I'm feeling okay would be a lie."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just that… I'm here now, you know? So much has happened and I don't feel like how I think I should."

"Well, how do you-,"

"I mean, I killed a man by stamping on his fingers and watching him fall into a black void, and the next day I'm just able to dance with you, up on that balcony, wanting to make mischief or whatever." I take a deep breath. "I just don't know how I'm not in shock right now. How I'm not just… dealing with crippling guilt or whatever." Asriel sighs, resting his right elbow on the rail and turning to face me.

"Chara-," He says, gently, "Dad's told me about how it is with people, being king, he talks to a lot of them. He says that people just react totally differently to different things."

"Yeah but-,"

"No, Chara," he says, "Listen. He told me a story of how once he met a man who was in charge of a mining company in Snowdin. One day, a supervisor in that company ended up forgetting to check one of the machines, and when a worker went to use that machine, it blew up, and killed him. It was a slow week, so dad went down and wanted to apologise to the miner's family for what had happened, but, when he got there, the supervisor was in the midst of being fired. Dad said that despite everything that was said, the supervisor said nothing about the miner he killed. He just talked about his own problems, his own wants, his own needs. Nothing about the life he took to get it." He sighs. "Just because you don't need as much time to recover doesn't mean that you aren't a good person."

"But I'm not, Asriel," I say, looking down at the meadows, "I'm not a good person."

"Yes, Chara, you are, and I know you are-,"

"No, I'm telling you Asriel, there is nothing good to say about me."

"Well-," I grab Asriel by the collar and pull him close.

"I killed a man, not two days ago, and what I felt… it just…" I start feeling my eyes well up, "Oh God, not this-,"

"Woah, woah-," Asriel takes my arm and pulls me toward him, resting my head in his chest. "There, Chara. I'm here."

"Heh heh…" I mumble through a mess of cloth and tears. "Thank you." We hold there for an indeterminable amount of time. Before long, the mirrors reflecting the magma in the distance start to move toward the floor, as the air around us gets darker.

"So…" He says, keeping his arms firmly tucked around my back, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, Az?" I ask, not daring to move my head.

"I know this whole killing thing is what makes you feel good, but…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm wondering if maybe there's a way to balance it out." I blink.

"What are you saying?"

"Just that maybe," He looks flustered, "Maybe there's something out there that can be like a replacement. A place, a person, maybe?" I pull my face out of his chest and look up into his eyes, feeling the sky get darker and darker with each second that goes by, or are they minutes? Hours?

"Asriel-,"

"Yes, Chara?"

"I would were it that simple."

"What do you mean?"

"I think I already know who that person is." I look up into his eyes, my hands tightening around him.

"What are you-,"

"And whether or not it works…" I say, feeling something in my chest greater than the vision of the doctor plummeting into the ever darkening abyss, "I still want to try." I reach up and put my hand on Asriel's back, pulling him down toward me. His eyes close, as do mine. My lips crack to open, as do his. He puts his hand in my hair and his other on my back, as I pull mine round his neck. We draw closer, and I feel our lips touch.

We stay on the balcony together for a time I barely know how to recollect. We barely moved all for swaying gently back and forth, our arms growing stronger around one another as the night passed on. It feels like we've been here all our lives, we just didn't know it yet.

These past few days have been, in total honesty, the most bizarre, terrifying, yet happy, exciting, and beautiful times that I have ever been alive. I felt scared at first. Confused. I wasn't sure if I should feel excited, nervous, powerful, or anything. I was confused and delirious, morally, whatever. But on the balcony with Asriel, everything felt… like it all went away. My problems just hid away, shrunk into the background, and from how it felt… they may never appear again. Hope like that was hard to have before now. But with Asriel, it doesn't feel so surreal. It feels like home. A hope for life. A hope that I can be better. Even if I don't think so, just yet.


	21. Chapter 21

"Hey… Asriel?" I rest my head on my arm, looking over to his side of the room, the lights off, as we lie in bed.

"Gnh…" He mumbles, "Yeah?" I swallow, trying not to sound too obvious. It's late, but I can feel this strange electric tingling in my bones.

"Can we…" I ask, "Talk about what happened?"

"What do you mean talk?" He asks, "What is there to talk about?"

"Don't be like that." I say, the feeling of anticipation welling, "I… after it happened, I'm not really sure how to feel." I can hear him gulp from across the room.

"I…" He says, "I sort of know how you feel, Chara."

"I mean," I say, holding my hand in the air, watching my fingers twirl around the air like I'm untwisting a lightbulb, "It felt right, didn't it? When we kissed?" I hear him breathe, almost in short bursts, like he's uncomfortable.

"I can't say that it… didn't." He says.

"Exactly, so why is it so hard for me to-," I search for the words, but I can't find them. I clench my fist and let it drop. "Dammit." We lapse into a silence, but not a peaceful one, it doesn't feel like ice, or air. It's like my mouth is full to the brim with blood, and I'm choking to call for help.

"I've…" He says, "Been thinking about the same sort of thing."

"And?"

"I think I've found comfort in thinking about it this way."

"Yeah?"

"We're teenagers, aren't we? You're sixteen, I am fifteen."

"And so, Turing dazzles us with another shocking theorem."

"And so," he ignores me, "We were bound to want to… you know. Be together. At some point."

"I don't think I follow."

"It's simple, in science, I read about this a lot, when two beings of the opposite sex live closely, with no sort of social input, when the hormones kick in, this sort of thing happens."

"How the hell is that supposed to justify anything?"

"I don't know, okay!" He says, trying to keep his voice down, "I thought maybe if we, just, I…" He trails off. I feel a sudden rush coming out of my lungs, air whooshing from my nostrils, through the cracks in my teeth. I reach over, take my bedclothes, and pull them aside. Wearing my green vest and saggy silken pyjama trousers, I tip-toe over the icy cold wooden floor to his side of the room. He's facing the wall, tucking his bedsheets up to his chest. I bring my knee up, resting it on the bed, as I crawl in, and wrap my arms around him. He winces, backing up against me.

"I know it's hard." I say. "It's difficult for me too." I wait a moment. He says nothing. "I heard a story about this sort of thing, a while ago." Still, nothing. "Back on the surface, there was a man. He worked a boring job, he had a terrible life, his friends hated him, he'd never been loved by anyone, or anything." Asriel's arm reaches up, and takes me by the hand, gently. "It got to the point that he was prepared to end his life, in the knowledge that it'd never get any better. But, one day, he found something. Browsing the internet, he came across an app for his phone that was supposed to act like an AI, or another intelligent being he could talk to. It wasn't a real person, but after trying it out for fun, they say he fell in love with it." Asriel's breathing is heavy.

"So…" He asks, and goes to say something else, but his mouth closes, sighing. My teeth start to chatter. I bring him closer, resting my head on his shoulder, my arms wrapped around him, bringing him tight enough that we might be bound together forever, never to be separated.

"Asriel," I breathe, quietly, slowly, trying to squeeze every ounce of life from this moment, "I love you." He breathes in, then holds it for a few seconds, and releases. "And I don't want fear to say that we can't be together. Screw what they say." I pull him closer. "Because without you, I have nothing. It may seem different, but you're all that matters to me."

"How can you be sure?" He asks.

"I think about you every day. I never think about myself anymore. It's always what Asriel's doing. Which movie Asriel wants to see tonight. What Asriel thinks of my hair and my dress. Whether or not Asriel thinks I'm pretty." He turns to look at me. I see him closing his eyes, and breathing, heavily, almost like he's making peace.

"Asriel," He says, "Does, think that you're pretty." He extends a claw and strokes my face, running his thumb in a circular motion on my cheek, once every few seconds.

"Heh…" I say, feeling overcome, "And, you-," He pulls himself forward, and kisses me again. Closing our eyes, there's no red, no dark thoughts. There's just Asriel.

After we break apart, we're left lying in bed beside each other, my hand on his arm, his other on my face.

"It isn't all so bad, is it?" He asks. I giggle, softly.

"No, I guess not." Silence starts to feel less like a mute now, more like a low hanging mist, setting tiny dewdrops on the tips of dark green blades of grass.

"Chara?" Asriel asks, through the mist. I nod. "Is it working?"

"What…" I say in tiredness, but I know what he means.

"Has it happened since then?" I take a while to breathe, to think.

"I don't think I can be sure, just yet."

"What do you-," I kiss him again. He seems shocked, but closes his eyes and accepts it. He wraps his arm around my side and gently helps me on top of him, where I rest my body on his chest and kiss him. He rests his hand on my back, the other on my leg. My heartbeat goes from fast, pounding, to low and melodic the longer we hold, time either freezing to a halt or speeding beyond our reality.

I see a flash of red. I bite down on Asriel's lip.

"Agh-," He shouts, grabbing his wound with his hand.

"Oh my God-," I say, covering my mouth, sitting up on his lap, "What did I-,"

"It's…" He says, clasping his claws to the seeping dust from his severed skin, "It's okay."

"I d-,"

"Chara-,"

"Even-,"

"Shh…" He says, sitting up, and embracing me. "It might not have worked just yet, and that's fine."

"No it's not-,"

"Shh…" He starts stroking my back, holding on hand in my hair, "Yes, Chara, it is. This sort of thing doesn't end in a day."

"I just-," I start crying again, "Oh fuck-,"

"Shh…" He holds me closer. "It's okay." We rock back and forth, just a few centimetres each way every five or so seconds, gently rocking our way back and forth, back and forth.

 _"_ _Please… just help me up."_

I close my eyes, as Asriel and I lie down together.

 _"_ _I'm going to tell Mom and Dad."_

I take hold of his arms, tightly.

" _You've barely touched your breakfast, are you feeling okay?"_

"Don't let me go, Asriel."

 _I bring the knife down._

"Never."


	22. Chapter 22

"Please-," Asgore says into the phone, his arms shaking, brow dripping with nervous globules of sweat, "Please try to understand that we- yes- what- no, no, please talk-,"

 _Click._

He drops the phone, burying his head in his hands. His fur is glistening with moisture, his face red and his eyes baggy with purple rims. Toriel comes walking out of the kitchen as Asriel and I turn back to our breakfast.

"Gorey?" She asks, "Please, try to eat something, dear?" He doesn't answer. I stare attentively at the table, trying to ignore them and just finish eating. "Gorey?" He suddenly slaps her hand out of the way. I look over at Asriel, who nods. We start eating faster. "Asgore," Toriel says, going to nurse her stinging hand, "What did you-,"

"You wouldn't understand." He stands up, letting his chair fall on the floor, "For God's sake, just stay out of it."

"Gorey-," She goes over, trying to comfort him, but he throws her off, where she stumbles back.

"I said," He says, his hair falling in front of his eyes, "Stay, out of it." He picks up his trident, keeping it close to his chest as he walks out the door. I see a flash of light as Asgore calling to me from across the bridge etches itself in my eyes for a second. I stand up, and take hold of his arm. Slowly, he turns around.

"Chara." He says. My neck feels sore, like it's been burned.

"Asgore," I say, wistfully. "Toriel didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, Chara, I know." He says, walking over, slowly, leaning down to become level with me. He leans closer and starts whispering in my ear. "This needs to stop." He says. I don't understand.

"I don't…" I murmur, the hoarseness of my throat burning.

"What don't you understand, Chara?" He snaps back.

"Why- what do-,"

"You're pathetic." He says. "Blaming them." My breathing starts to quicken.

"Wh-,"

"Is that all you can do, Chara?" He asks, drawing closer, "Just, go out looking for trouble to make my life more difficult, is that what you're doing?"

"N- why-,"

"I don't even know why I bother." He says. "You clearly don't understand, so just-," He clenches his teeth, "AGH!" He throws up his arms and walks out, slamming the door behind him. I turn around. Toriel is sitting on the ground, nursing her arm, as Asriel sits at the table, still eating, slower now than before. Toriel stands up and near-limps to the kitchen. I turn to Asriel. He doesn't look back. I start feeling my nails digging a path in the palms of my hands.

"Toriel?" I call, walking into the kitchen, to see her resting against the sideboard, applying a clean bandage to her arm. She looks over. Her expression is unmistakably weak, defeated.

"Ah," She says, sounding hoarse, "Chara."

"What the Hell was that?" I ask, walking over and standing in front of her, arms crossed.

"Oh…" She says "It isn't much. Asgore's just stressed as all."

"Stressed?" I look down at the floor, then back at her, "He's never been even close to this before."

"Stress does that to a person, especially the king, of all people." I see a flash of Asgore telling me how it felt to kill the terrorist all those years ago. My heart starts beating faster. "There's nothing to be worried about, Chara." She says, taking out her bruised hand and running it over my face, gently, "Agh," she winces in pain, "Just relax, we're fine, there's nothing to worry about. My breathing gets faster yet again, doubly so. I pull myself away from her embrace and run to the door. Asriel's gone. Whump, whump, whump, my chest visibly pounding against my top. I run to our room, where Asriel's sitting at his desk, working silently on his studies.

"Asriel?" I ask, walking over and sitting next to him. "Asriel, are you-,"

"Yeah, I know it's weird." I take a moment to think.

"They're, they're both acting strange, mom and dad alike, don't you-,"

"I know that. But we've got our own problems."

"What do you mean?" He giggles. Exhaling, he drops his pen, and turns to me.

"Who even cares?"

"What-,"

"We've got each other," He says, closing his eyes and leaning in for a kiss, "Who needs mom and dad?"

"What are you saying?"

"Shhh…" He says, his tongue running over his immaculate white teeth, sharp as knives,

"I'm going-," He grabs hold of my arms with both of his hands. I can barely move.

"Chara-," He says, "I know mom and dad are having a bit of a bad time around now, but, we don't need to worry about them."

"How can you-,"

"We've got each other to worry about. That's all that matters." I lose the ability to speak. My chest seizes up. My throat feels like a band of iron surrounds the larynx. "I just love you," he says, kissing me, "So," he breaks, kisses me again, "So," Again, "Much…"

"A- Asri-," He picks me up, running over to my bed with me in his arms,

"Who cares if they're upset?" He asks, a hungry look in his eyes, "I know you're happy, and so am I-,"

"Stop!" I shout, but he's still stronger than me. He starts running his tongue over my neck, as I force my way against his grip.

"You're so beautiful…" He says in between licks, "So," "So," "Gorgeous." I kick him in the stomach, his grip loosens, as I manage to throw myself from the bed, pull my trousers back up and run from the door. "What are you doing, Chara?" He calls after me, "Is this some sorta game?" There's no one in the corridor. I run to Toriel and Asgore's room, it's locked, I run to the Room Under Renovations, my hand seems to stick to the handle as it throws itself open. Asgore's sitting inside, facing the door, trident in hand. My heart sinks.

"It's not even worth keeping you here anymore." He says. "You do nothing but take away, hurt, destroy, murder…" He rises from his chair, "You just came for a look at my shame, didn't you, psychopath?" I back against the door, throwing the handle open and charging down the corridor toward the kitchen. Toriel's still in there. Toriel can-

A claw reaches from Asriel's room as I run past, gashing into my arm and leaving four bloody streaks in my arm,

"Chara?" Asriel calls from inside, "Stop running, Chara! We can be together if you'd just come back!" I throw open the door, my feet blistering on the wooden floor, running back to the kitchen. In the dining room… there's distant crying. A low sobbing, mixed with sudden spikes of pain, jabbing the air. I run through into the room,

"Tori-," I turn the corner, and Toriel is there. Hanging from the ceiling, noose around her neck. Swaying, back and forth, I can still hear her voice squeezed from the confines of her throat, crushed in rope. My breathing becomes rapid like steam from a train travelling fast enough to erupt into flames. There are footsteps coming from outside, a gentle pattering.

"Chara? You hiding in here, Chara?" I back up against the counter, Toriel on my left. Asriel's bloody claw scrapes the kitchen door, "Quit hiding, quit teasing me Chara." There are more footsteps, huge, clanking, armoured, steps. The wood of the floor seems to quake and snap beneath them. Asriel's shirtless, walking into the room. "Ah," He says, "There you are."

"Asri-,"

 _Slam._

My head is sent crashing onto the counter, Asriel's claw digging into my head.

"Glad I found you." He says.

"No-," Asgore marches into the room, his trident in hand, "Please-," Asriel starts pulling my clothes off, "Let me go-," Toriel's head leans up on the noose, staring over at me.

"Think." She says, as Asgore's trident plunges into my back.

"AH!" I sit up, screaming, grabbing my back, the stinging so coarse my throat feels full of blood.

"Chara?" Asriel says, sitting up beside me, "What's wrong?"

"Asriel-," I turn to him,

"Chara-," He says, "You're sweating, is everything-,"

"What the Hell-,"

"Chara?"

"What-,"

"Hey hey hey!" He says, taking a hand and resting it on my shoulder. I feel a claw pierce my skin. I grab hold of the fur and throw his arm away,

"Get the hell off me!"

"Hey!" He says, "What's the matter?"

"I…" I say, walking for the door, "I…" My heart starts to slow. My breathing becoming lesser, deeper. Breathe, Chara. Think, Chara. I turn to him. "I'm so sorry."

Author's Note: This chapter was dark even for me. While writing it I did feel somewhat uncomfortable and am still torn on whether or not I should release it, however, for the benefit of creating a believable mentality for Chara, I think this chapter was necessary. I should probably issue some sort of trigger warning because, I understand as well as the next person how serious the imagery of suicide, sexual assault and gore as depicted in this chapter can be, but for the benefit of a believable narrative I am keeping this chapter. I guess this author's note is just a personal catharsis to help me not feel like a creepy psychopath. Vade out.


	23. Chapter 23

"You're sure you're ready?" Hand on the doorknob, I turn to Asriel.

"I… I'm sure." I say. "I need this. I have to be sure." He nods.

"Okay, whenever you're ready."

 _Rap rap._

Distant mumbling and the shuffling of bedsheets can be heard inside the room. Loud footsteps on the creaking wood, until the handle turns, and Asgore opens it. Rubbing his eyes, he looks down at us.

"Chara?" He asks, yawning, "Is… um… something the matter?" I take a deep breath.

"Asriel and I think that you've been working hard and that you've been under a lot of stress recently," Asgore looks confused and delirious, "So we thought that you and Toriel deserve a day off to spend how you like, is that a good idea?" Dead silence. Asgore blinks and seems to command the wind with his huge eyelids.

"Ugh…" He grunts, "Hold on…" He walks back into the room to try and rouse Toriel.

"I told you it was too early." Asriel says.

"I told you any later and we wouldn't have enough time."

"By not having enough time do you mean that we'd have a sensible amount rather than too much?"

"I haven't even told you all of my dastardly plans yet. Just sit tight." He goes to speak, but his arm drops and he stands there, waiting whatever'll happen next. Asgore starts striding over again, looking a little more aware of his surroundings but still tired and naïve enough.

"Toriel…" He says, blinking the caverns of sleep from his eyes, "Toriel wonders what you had in mind?" Immediately, I jump in,

"We thought that a day out to somewhere away from here like the MTT resort or Waterfall would do you the most good as going there would be very relaxing and-," Asgore's waving his hand, trying to keep his eyes open,

"Alright," he says, "Alright, we'll think about it, now go back to sleep-," He turns to Toriel, "What time is it, Tori?"

"Eh-." She says, raising an arm that then flops back onto the bed. Asgore sighs, letting his arms flop as well.

"Whatever time it is, it's too early. We'll see you both in an hour." He gently closes the door as I politely wave to him.

"Thanks for saying yes!" I call back, "Bye! Have a good sleep!" A distant bleat can be heard from inside.

"Okay…" I say, checking the clock on the wall behind me, reading 6 AM, "We've got at least an hour to prep everything."

"What'll you take?"

"I'll make them breakfast, you order the carriage."

"On it." We split up, I run to the kitchen to begin cooking a full English breakfast, bacon, eggs, toast, tomatoes, et cetera.

The cooking process seems to blur into one steady movement, almost reflexive, no thought or caution involved. I guess I must be so eager to make things right. I should've done something like this long ago, I know it isn't much but I need to show them, something. Something to help them know that I care, at least a little. Or is that just how I'm justifying it? Ugh, sometimes I wish I could just know what's going on inside me. But these days something as simple as that seems impossible. Whatever. Today isn't a day for you. Today is a day of thanks, for Asgore and Toriel, who've done so much. Stick to that.

"Everything going okay?" Asriel asks, standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Almost done," I say, sprinkling a smidgen of pepper over the two dishes. "Have you set the table?"

"That I have." He says. "It's all ready." I lay down my cooking utensils, looking down at the meal I've prepared. I lean against the back wall, breathing out and looking at the ceiling. "Hey," Asriel says, resting a hand on my shoulder, "It's gonna be fine. What you're doing is gonna cause nothing but good. I promise." I let out a deep sigh.

"Shut up." I smile and slap his hand away, going to take the breakfasts in. He goes to take the one closest to him.

"Uh buh!" I say, taking both, one in each hand, "These were hard to make! I don't want any fingerprints on them besides mine, you got that?" He throws his arms up in arrest.

"Fine!" He says, walking out, "Not like I wanna help or anything." I walk after him, laying the breakfasts at either end of the table.

"Okay…" I breathe, taking a step back. "Are we done?" Asriel scans the room.

"Seems so." He says. I sigh, clenching my hands. Asriel reaches over and takes my hand. He rests his head on mine.

"It'll be fine." He whispers. "Just fine." I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Thanks, Az." We stand there for a little while, before we unlink our hands, and walk back to our room, leaving the dining room door wide open, the table in full view. I knock loudly on their door before we dash back into our own. We sit down on my bed, together, listening out for the sounds from the other room. I turn to him, ready to ask, but he's holding the scrap of paper already.

"Got the recipe." He says. I take a deep breath.

"Hopefully, I can do this right."

"Don't hope." He says. "Know."

"How do I know?" I ask, "How can I know?"

"Know that I know." Nothing. Then, I kiss him again. We hold until the door creaks open, as a pair of footsteps walk slowly away, passing our room and into the break apart, and I laugh at him.

"Thanks." I snatch the scrap of paper and go to the door, pressing my ear to the wood. The sound of eating, enamoured talking. Then, the sound of a knock, coming from the front door. The sound of an angry carriage driver, the sound of more footsteps, and the sound of a door closing again, filling the house with dead, cold, silence. "It's time."

I shove the door open and dash, recipe in hand, to the kitchen, laying it down on the counter _._

 _Ingredients:_

 _1 Cup of Brown Sugar_

 _2 cups of milk_

 _1 cup of heavy cream_

 _2 tbsp of water_

 _9 eggs_

 _3 tbsp of corn starch_

 _1 tbsp vanilla extract_

 _2 tbsp cinnamon_

 _4 butter cups._

I dash to the fridge, pulling out as many ingredients as I can find. Milk, cream, corn starch, mixing it into a pie dish to make the crust. Dashing back to look at the recipe, then back to the empty pie shell. One after the other, time and time again. What seems like hours pass, when I dip my finger in the batter to get a taste. It's not right… it isn't sweet enough. It's bitter, almost. Checking over the list, I seem to have used every ingredient except… butter cups. Checking the fridge, there doesn't seem to be any sticks or tubs of butter whatsoever. Walking out of the kitchen, I see Asriel, sat at the table, setting his paintbrush to a canvas.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah-," I walk around, going to look at his painting, "Ahp!" He says, standing to block me, "It isn't finished yet." Ugh.

"And speaking of, I've encountered a problem."

"Yeah?"

"There's something missing from the recipe. We need butter, 4 butter cups, but there aren't any in the fridge." Asriel looks confused. "What's up?"

"Normally I'd go buy some more, but mom makes that pie almost every day. You'd think she'd have an abundance of that sort of an ingredient, right?"

"Right."

"So why isn't there any butter?" I think about the word. Butter cups, butter cups…

"Like the flower?" I ask.

"The flower, buttercups…" He says, "You know, that might be right."

"You're serious?"

"Mom always kept a lid on how she made the pie, and who knows, most chefs do include that one special ingredient." I can't help but laugh.

"Buttercups?"

"Buttercups." He says, near stoically. I sigh.

"Better go gardening then."

"Well," He says, "I wish you luck." He sits back down at his chair and starts painting again."

"And to you, Picasso." I say, walking for the door. I scan the garden, buttercups… buttercups… nothing. The garden's immaculate. Wait… I start running down the garden path, back to where Asriel and I used to play. There must be something there. Burrowing through the bracken bushes, their spines digging into my clothes, I reach the other side, the light shining down, golden and beautiful as always. There's grass, but yet again, no flowers. Just grass.

"I could have got so much done today."

"What a waste of time."

"I appreciate you trying, but think, next time."

"Don't say that."

"She needs to learn."

"She's just-,"

"She should think about what she's done."

A flash of red. When it clears, my hand hurts, it's… stuck somewhere. Like it's clamped between some stones. Looking down, it seems there's a tiny passage beneath my hand, through the stone wall, with a lining of golden brick, vines growing around it. Peering through, there's a flash of gold. I get on my knees and burrow through, the creepers and brambles of the vines slashing my cheeks. I'm through, and on the other side…

The back of a golden throne, coated in vines, and around it… flowers… golden, bright, yellow flowers, almost reflecting the sunlight that isn't even there. I walk in, bending down to pluck some… they're bigger than most buttercups, but I doubt that'll be a problem. Probably just a monster thing. I can hear birds, chirping. There are windows, facing nothing but stone cold brick and stone. This must be Asgore's throne room… useless as it is. Oh well. I have the flowers. I go to turn away, running back to the way I came, but I feel something make me want to explore deeper. There's a passage at the front of the room, leading down and away from the throne room. What'd I be if I didn't go to look?

Walking over the overgrowth, the vines creeping down the walls and interlocking with the bright, hopeful stems of the yet brighter flowers, I start to see the way out, a branching path with two exits. The one to the left goes down, probably a basement, but the one on the right, there's a glow coming from it. My feet dash over the stone stairs, rushing toward the door, whatever's down there. Reaching the bottom…

I can't describe what I'm seeing. The room… is a corridor, I think. Stretching farther along than it is wide. Pillars line the sides, with windows, triangular in shape, but the light shining through them, incandescent, where is it coming from? It shines over the marble floors like sunlight off the sea floor, dancing almost like rivers through a valley. I almost feel something stopping me from walking, but it becomes like a thick syrup making it hard to move. Sloshing through mud, I make my way forward, one step at a time. The light seems to grow more intense as I move. Step, step, step, each one separated by a lifetime of wanting to go back. The confidence of exploration muffled so quickly.

I blink. The skeleton stands in front of me, his eyes dead and black. I say nothing. His hands are pocketed. I blink again, and he's gone.


	24. Chapter 24

I feel a chill. My fingers tense around the stems as I bite my lower lip. I look up, and start running for the exit. The way back leads into our basement, running past the tarp-covered TV and up the stairs, and through into the living room.

"D'you find any?" Asriel asks, still sitting at the easel, then looks puzzled. "And how did you end up down there-," I run past him, going for the kitchen.

"I'll explain later!" I call back, going to the fresh pie mixture and mixing the golden flowers into the pastry. They seem to sink down past the thickness of the paste, the stems and petals near dissolving as they go. This has to be right. Once the pastry is complete, I set the oven on and gently place the pie in, and closing it to a faint hiss from beyond the door.

Resting my hands on the oven-door handle, I lean down, almost pulling on it, feeling air rush out of my chest. Hoo. Breathe. I walk back into the living room where Asriel is still painting, a passionate glaze in his eyes.

"Pie's cooking," I say, "Should be done in about an hour." He doesn't look up from the painting.

"And this…" He says, through gritted teeth, "Is just about finished also…" I want to go take a peek behind the canvas but I decide not to. He seems to care about this. I go lean against the far wall and stare listlessly into the distance. My eyes start to trail down to Asriel's face… I think he's noticed me looking. His eyes flash toward mine, locking for half a second before they go back to the painting, frustrated. I giggle at him. He breathes out, looking more frustrated.

"Hey Asriel." No reply. I start walking over. "What do you call Asgore before his morning tea?" Still no reply. I clamber onto the dinner table, leaning over the canvas to look at Asriel. His eyes desperately try to stay on the painting. I lean closer, cup my hands and say, "Goatzilla." Asriel snorts, bringing his hand up covering his mouth.

"Chara!" He says through his fur, "What the Hell?"

"Ha ha ha!" I laugh, leaning back on the table and lay my arms back.

"Careful." Asriel says. I notice I've misplaced the table spread he's set up.

"Oh God…" I get up and start rearranging the plates.

"I think…" He says, dabbling his paintbrush on the canvas here and there… "I think I'm done." He sits back in his chair, as I go to look. Before I can even comprehend the context, the brushwork is near blinding. The colours are riotous, as if they clash to evoke the senses in a way that's pleasing to the eye rather than frustrating. I look over at him, trying to keep a straight face, but I can see the corners of a proud smile. The painting is of Asgore and Toriel, standing side by side, smiling. Asgore clad in full golden armour, Toriel wearing her traditional purple robe with the Delta Rune emblazoned on her chest. Their arms reach down, gently patting the shoulders of two children. One, Asriel, is holding a bouquet of golden flowers, his eyes closed, his mouth open in a cheery smile. He's next to me… who…

"Why am I hiding?" I ask, looking at child-me holding flowers over her face.

"Mom and Dad said they preferred the old you." He says. "You know. Before you became an asshole."

"Oh is that so?" I ask, taking the paintbrush and lunging for the canvas.

"NO!" Asriel shouts, taking my hand, "What are you doing?" I just giggle at him. "See what they mean?" Through laughter, I muster a;

"Yeah." He stares at me, angrily, for a few seconds. Then he laughs along, dropping the paintbrush.

"It _is_ good though," He asks, once we're done clamouring for air, "Right?"

"Need I even say?" I respond, "It's perfect, they'll love it." He breathes a sigh of relief.

 _Ding._

"Pie's ready." I say, running for the kitchen, nearly forgetting to wear oven gloves as I take the pie out. It's risen beautifully, the pastry thick and bulging like a closed volcano ready to burst. I set it down at the centre of the table. I exhale.

"So we're done?" He asks. I look around the room. He's set the painting up so they'll see it the instant they come home… the pie's here…

"I think so." There's a pause. Then…

 _Creak._ The door opens. The distant sound of a slime-drawn carriage flying off can be heard, as Asgore and Toriel bustle through the door.

"And the look on his face," Toriel says through bouts of laughter, "When I told him the one about-," She looks into the room to see Asriel and I standing to attention. "Oh my goodness…" She says. Asgore near drops his trident.

"What have we here?" He asks, walking toward us.

"We wanted to surprise you." I say. He lumbers over, nearly wrung clean of energy, looking at the painting.

"This…" He says, "Who painted this?" Asriel steps forward.

"I hope you like it, father." Toriel walks over and joins Asgore as they examine the painting.

"This…" They say together,

"This is amazing!" Asgore says, turning around and looking warmly at Asriel. "I had no idea you were such a talented artist!"

"You should see him in art class-," Toriel says, bringing Asriel in for a hug, "He's the best of my two students."

"And," I say, drawing their attention, "The worse of those two students has something else to show you." I step aside, and gesture to the pie in the middle of the table.

"Oh my goodness," Toriel says, taking Asgore's hand as they walk over, "That's not a-,"

"A butterscotch cinnamon pie. Your recipe."

"My goodness…" She says, taking a seat at the long end of the table farthest from the wall, where she always sits, "Gorey," She says, "We came home ready to cook dinner. We're famished."

"That we are." He says, taking his seat opposite. "I'm starving, and b'scotch is my favourite." Asriel and I cringe visibly as we take our seats.

"Dad." Asriel says, unimpressed.

"What? I'm allowed to abbreviate words." He reaches out and takes out a knife, plunging it into the pie and carving a quarter of the pie for each of us. "Ah…" He sighs, sounding relaxed. He takes a big chunk of the pie with his knife and fork and devours it. Looking down at the pie, I don't think Asriel or I have the appetite. I see Toriel go to take a bite.

"Tori!" Asgore calls, wiping the pie from his mouth, "Tell them about our outing today."

"Oh!" She exclaims, dropping her fork, "Well, in Snowdin the market was open and we met all sorts of interesting characters there, like-,"

"Oh!" Asgore butts in, "Tell them about the guy, the one who kept-,"

"Oh yes!" She says, "Okay, I should start from the beginning," As she keeps talking, Asriel and I nod attentively, not fully listening, our eyes dashing back and forth between Toriel and one another, "When we arrived in Snowdin we were greeted by a funny looking man with fire for a head, who showed us around, he was very friendly, didn't say much, but then as we were-," She trails off.

She looks over at Asgore.

"Gorey?" She asks.

He's sweating.

His hands are shaking.

"Dad?" Asriel asks, extending a hand and resting it on Asgore's trembling knuckles, "Is something up?"

Asgore's neck creaks to look over at me.

A slither of dust drains from each eye.

Toriel stands up, rushing to the kitchen, as Asriel runs across the table to see to Asgore.

I look down at my hands.

They're shaking, too.

Toriel comes out of the kitchen, with a bowl, some moist bandages, and a box of pharmaceuticals.

Asriel keeps saying to Asgore, "What's wrong?" and "You're gonna be fine." Over, and over, and over.

I stand up, turn around, run out the door.

I run to my bedroom, and bury myself in the sheets.

I see myself, carefree. Lying on the table. Joking. Laughing.

Being with Asriel. Hugging him. Kissing him.

I can see a flower, dissolving into blood.

"Cha-ra, Cha-ra."

I reach under my bed.

"Cha-ra, Cha-ra."

My bag's still there.

"Cha-ra, Cha-ra."

I unzip the bag.

"Cha-ra, Cha-ra."

The knife's still inside.

"Cha-ra, Cha-ra."

I bring it against my skin.

"Can't you do anything helpful?"

Streaks of red across my skin.

"Can't you just help someone, for once?"

Soaking the sheets in a crimson glow.

"The monsters are your friends."

Pain is…

"They've been so kind."

So…

"So what are you, then?"

So…

"Nothing."

Satisfying.

The covers are pulled. Asriel stands over me. His mouth opens, but no sound comes out.

There's a flash of red.


	25. Chapter 25

_Chara-_

 _Mom and Dad think it best that you spend some time alone. They're making sure I don't see you for the rest of the day. I tried to argue with them, but they say it's no good._

 _Mom patched up the scars, but they're still visible, like black streaks going up my face. She says they're not gonna go away. I don't want you to feel bad about them. They're not your fault. But Mom and Dad are convinced that they are, so just for a day, you're on your own. I hope you can cope with that._

 _Dad's still sick. He keeps breaking out in a cold sweat, shouting words that don't mean anything, before… there's a lot of dust to mop up. Mom's unsure if he'll pull through or not. She's optimistic, but… we both know there's not much of a chance. He's a strong monster, but still…_

 _All of us, Mom and Dad the same, want you to understand that we don't blame you for anything that happened. It was terrible, and some of it can never be repaired, but they were mistakes made with only the best of intentions. That's what matters, here. Not results, intentions._

 _Don't worry about us. Just focus on making sure you're at peace with what happened. When Dad goes to sleep, Mom doesn't leave his side. So I'll come visit you then._

 _Love you –_

 _Az._

I set the note down on the table, breathing in and out in long, slow patterns. I look down at my wrists. Faded streaks of red, still visible, but not painful anymore. I start looking around the room. The bookshelf, there must be something to do there… I stroll over, glancing through the bindings to find something interesting.

 _There's no way he'll make it._

My hand pauses on one with an interesting title, "Children of the Atmosphere." I take it out and start to read.

 _That was supposed to be my big thank you._

First chapter, chapter one… the clouds, sounds interesting.

 _It's all for nothing._

Once upon a time…

 _I failed._

There was a town of people…

 _Damn you._

And… a droplet of water splashes on the page. I feel my eyes welling up. My fingers ball into fists around the pages, tearing a few out in a clump. The nails jut into my hands enough to make them bleed. I bite down on my tongue, hard, tasting iron. Water running over my lips, dampening the pages, my head sinks into the bedclothes. I feel a hand running over my back. I jerk up.

Nothing's there. I look back and forth around the room. Silence, but for the ringing in my ears, echoing. My breathing is rapid, yet still deep.

 _Click._

The sound of a lock and key. I turn to the door, expecting someone to come in. It stays shut. I go to inspect the handle… the door's locked…

"heya." The skeleton's voice from behind me. I turn to see him standing between mine and Asriel's beds, hands pocketed, smile transfixed on his face. I breathe heavily through my nostrils. Again, I go to talk, no noise. "you've certainly been busy. how many people you killed since we talked last?" His white specks for eyes loom down to the tears soaking my sweater. "aww, jeez." He says. "you look awful." I still can't say anything. Back against the door, I start sinking down, till I rest on the floor, head against my knees. I feel a rush of air. "there's no need to be sad, kiddo." He says, closer to my right ear now, "you were just doing what you needed to. no shame at all in that." I open my mouth, lips trembling, breathing erratic.

"Why…" I say, more tears, "Why does what I have to do… why…" I feel a cold, skeletal hand rest gently on my back. "Why do so many people have to get hurt because of me?" He lets out a long, resounding sigh.

"i… i remember the first time i had a moment like this. dad said to suck it up. Roll with the punches, but." He looks down at himself. "see how that turned out."

"I thought you were gonna kill me." I say, slowly.

"kid." he says, "it already happened. killing you's just another stain on my hands."

"But… how do I wash off what's on mine?" He sighs again, looking around the room, his beady eyes flickering from corner to corner. He isn't saying anything. Then, he breathes.

"sometimes…" he says, "it helps to just let it out.

…

My breathing gets heavier. I lean forward, resting on my knuckles, knees to the floor. I can feel something building in my chest. It feels hot, like a fire rushing, licking the edges of my throat. My face scrunches up.

I start to scream. It starts as a low hum. An urh, slow, controlled, normal. It builds. Becomes louder. Before a fully blown scream erupts from my lungs. The skeleton stands still. The next comes like the shell of a shotgun. Over in an instant, but loud enough to leave my ears ringing and screaming. The redness in my sight fades, slowly. The hand of the skeleton gently runs over my shoulders.

"that's the first step."

I blink, and he's gone.

 _Knock knock._

I turn, as I hear fumbling from behind the lock. I look frantically around. The door opens.

"Chara-," Asriel says, walking in, wearing thin silken pyjamas. I can't see him… but I feel him looking down at me. Lying like a baby, curled up on the floor. Footsteps creak toward me. A hand runs over my shoulder. "How are you feeling?" My hand clenches into a fist. The nails come close to shattering against my skin.

"I…" I say, turning to look at him, my eyes teary, "I'm not…"

"Hey, what's wrong?" He shuffles near to me, his face near mine. "I'm here." My stomach tenses. I see red. My eyes clamp shut. One. Two. Three. I open them again. The redness is gone. My father sits before me, his back to me.


	26. Chapter 26

"Tell me what's wrong," Asriel says, pulling his hand away. I sit up and turn to face him. The look in his eyes is hard to identify. They widen, his breath starts to condensate on my face. I look down at the two, near triangular black scars I put on his face. He starts to sweat. I can't think of what to say to him. My heart beat is slow. There are gaps of near to three seconds, followed by the beating of a drum wider than the eye can see. Pause. Boom boom. Pause. Boom boom. "Chara…?" He asks, blinking rapidly, his eyes focusing on mine. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

…

I blink.

"What do you mean, Asriel?" Although the collar of his pyjamas hangs very low, yet he starts to take hold of it and push it around like he's trying to relieve himself of heat.

I blink again.

"I… I don't…" Then I notice the look in his eyes, the welling of tears behind the lower lids, the sweat building like a river of dust. I look down at the floor.

"You…" I say, before turning to stare into his eyes.

"You're afraid of me, aren't you?" I ask.

…

He pushes out his legs, trying to move across the floor away from me.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"I…" He says, "I don't…"

"Where are you going?" I reiterate. His breathing is rapid, shallow, tense. I reach out a hand, taking hold of his foot. "How are Mom and Dad?"

"Let go of me!" He snaps, pulling my hands away. I feel a sinking in my stomach.

"Where are you going?" I ask again. His left arm reaches up to grab the doorknob.

"I…" He stammers, "I think…"

"What?"

"I don't want to die."

"Wait-,"

 _Slam._

My heart booms against my chest, rhythmically. I try to take some deep breaths. I hear the gentle patter of his footsteps running back along the corridor. My stomach feels coarse. Almost like it's lined with spikes, my guts running over them, gashing and spurting as they go. Try to breathe, Chara. Take a deep breath. In… out… in… out…

I push myself to my feet. Boom boom. Pause. Boom boom. Pause. My eye is drawn to a tiny black object, sitting on the shelf above Asriel's bed. A tiny glint in the glass lens at the front shines brightly, calling to me. I stroll over, kneeling down. It's a video camera. Heh… I check the batteries, 47%. Seems to have plenty of free space as well…

 _Beep._

"Greetings, my humble followers. I am Chara, but you already knew that. I'm back again with another update, this one should get a little crazy near the end, so stay tuned if you enjoy those sorts of things. I had a great day today, I made mom's favourite b'scotch pie for the whole family, they loved it! Az painted a great portrait for us too, which was nice. He draws me really well, too. The lining of my cheeks, in particular, was flattering, in a word. He loves me, so much. But you knew that, didn't you guys? It's so obvious that it'd happen eventually. Don't know why he's acting up lately. He's acting scared, but I guess he's just nervous. And I mean, who wouldn't be? So much has been happening lately, it's hard to imagine anyone not showing a little sweat every now and again. Speaking of sweat, Dad's sick again. Really sick. But that isn't my fault, I made him a nice pie to make him feel better. I even included his favourite golden flowers, the ones he grows in his throne room. The moron probably just did something he shouldn't've, but that's understandable, we're all guilty of that. Y'know, I haven't spoken to mom an awful lot lately. She's same as she's always been, quiet, always something on the stove. I don't think in all my years down here I've ever had a heart to heart with her. Guess that's her fault for not paying me more attention, and I can hardly imagine why someone would want to miss out on a long emotional talk with me. That's why you're here, isn't it, my humble followers? I don't need them I have you. You're the only people in my world that matter, if anything the others are becoming more like dad, back on the surface. Huh… the surface. It's times like this I sorta miss that old path I used to take, the flowers outside my window, but eh, that's okay. I never liked them anyways, especially not dad. I wonder if he'll ever end up seeing this, time gone by, all things considered. Tap tap on the lens. Heya daddy, if you're listening to this, I kinda wanna thank you, for everything you've done for me. You've been such a big help over the years. You were always there for me. You were always so helpful, so kind, supportive, always lifting me up when I needed that last ounce of determination to keep me going. I LOVE YOU, daddy. More than anything. Huh… there're lotsa books in here, isn't there? Big books, small books… all shapes and sizes, genres and styles. Ooh! There's an idea! Why don't we pick out a book, and I'll read you some of it, how's that, my humble followers? Sound like fun? Great! Here's one… it ain't so big, we could read the first chapter of this in no time. Ahem… it's called; 'the human soul.' Interesting title, right guys? Let's read on…; the human soul is an entity monster scientists have studied for millennia. During the war against the humans, their souls proved a powerful attribute to the destruction of the human's enemies, the monsters. Eh… let's skip ahead… ah… legend has it that if a monster soul is combined with a human soul, the power formed is strong enough to shatter the barrier, letting monsters go free. Well isn't that interesting? … Hey, I'm a human, guess that means I've got the power to shatter the barrier, all I need now is… heh heh. Well then. That concludes this update from me, Chara, to you, my humble followers. And to you, and my father, in particular, sit tight. I'll be seeing you all, very, very, soon. Hehe. Heh heh hah. Heh hah! Hah! HAHA! HAHAHAHA! GAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, my- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No, just- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-


End file.
